He Never Looked Back

Hi there!

Just as a first quick and unpleasant thing, I want to apologize for the highly unprofessional attitude in my last post. Moving on, I'm overflowing with news - and of course, I have a song, too.

Last week were the CMTs - Country Music Television awards. The opening was quite funny, with Taylor Swift, Kellie Pickler, and of course, the host, Bill Engvall. The performances were also quite stellar, energetic, and exceptional - but you would expect nothing less from the top artists of country music, would you? I thought not. The link to relive it all is here: <http://www.cmt.com/videos/shows/cmt-music-awards/2009-cmt-music-awards/1614111/playlist-detail.jhtml>. I highly recommend it.

Recently, I've fallen in love with Blake Shelton's song "She Wouldn't Be Gone" and Brad Paisley's new single "Then," off of his new album, due to be released next Tuesday, June 30th. Blake performed his song at the ACMs in April and Brad his at the CMTs. The first song is very catchy, and thought-provoking. The latter is just beautiful, as only Brad can be. I've always said (I don't know if I ever have here) that Brad Paisley has the sexiest voice in country music. I could listen to it all day. And my sister, a classical music junkie and not well-versed in country, agrees with me, which is saying something. So all the beautiful romantic songs that Brad has are just made even more so by that voice!

As another news flash, I just want to register my shock and delight at the fact that certain people have begun following me on Twitter. My username is "countrymusik19," so I guess it's not that big a surprise, but I get email updates as to who is now following me. Last week I got ones that said "Veronica Ballestrini is following you on twitter" and "The Carter Twins are following you on twitter." For those of you who don't know, these two entities are acts in country music, the former a 17-year-old who performs all over Nashville, including in the CMA Music Fest, and the latter two twins (named Josh and Zach) who have made it big and were at the CMTs. I was stunned and happy, and am curious as to how they found me. But not that it matters, because they are following at least 1,000 other twitterers (official term?).

Next, today I had my last guitar lesson. I made for my teacher a CD of 14 of the songs that either he taught me how to play or that I played for him from my iPod or just my favourite (examples: Kenny Chesney's "Beer in Mexico" and "Summertime," Taylor's "Mary's Song," and Rodney Atkins' "Angel's Hands" - all songs that he taught me to play. Brad Paisley's "We Danced," Jason Michael Carroll's "Livin' Our Love Song," and Keith Urban's "Days Go By" - songs that I played for him. Among others.) He told me that on August 15th, he will be playing with a different band than his usual one, helping to open a show for Billy Ray Cyrus at Six Flags, and invited me to come watch. He also said that all of his good students leave him and he's stuck with all the not-so-good students, which I took as a sign that I'm a good student, which made me happy. One thing I regret, however, is not telling him about this blog so that he could read it and see what I'm up to/tell me what he thinks about my songs, since he's a recorded guitarist. Maybe next time. This is why I try to live up to my favourite line from a Doc Walker song, "I wanna leave this place with a smile on my face, knowing what's in my heart didn't just stay in my heart."

Which brings me to my next point of interest. We're at a crossroads in our lives now, where those we've counted on seeing every day will no longer be there, for better or worse, a situation I am in the middle of writing a song about, "Don't Forget About Me" (an apt title, I think). And yesterday, the boy about whom I gushed about so unprofessionally in the last post, the boy with whom I am still painfully in love (in case you were wondering), had a party to celebrate this crossroads and accomplishment. I wanted to let him know officially how I felt about him, and just to leave it all out there so that I have no regrets, and so that I know "what's in my heart didn't just stay in my heart," so I decided to print out the songs I've written about him (there are four on this blog) and give them to him, once and for all. I wrote him a note explaining the reason why I write songs in the first place, because he's never asked, and then I put post-it notes on each song page, annotating the songs so that he would understand all the subtle allusions I made, allusions that only he would understand anyway. In case you were wondering, the four songs are "Genius," "Tonight," "Truth," and "Thank You." The latter two, my favourites in the series, had the longest post-its and "Truth" even had a copy of the poem that inspired it, a poem that he was kind enough to write to me in November. Although I did keep the original copy of the poem, I rewrote it in my own handwriting on the same paper as the original. I did something special with "Genius," too. Remember the line "then he leaned over and wrote on my notebook / David is perfect"? That was true, and I had cut it out of my notebook, because those mere three words bring back floods of memories, so I attached it to the song. I also told him that how he used to put his arm on my knee, as I mention many times in the song, used to make my day. Okay, now that I've become unprofessional again and given you waaaaay too much personal information there, I'll move on, shall I?

This song hit me, and I sat down and wrote it in less than half an hour. Which probably means that it's not good at all. Nevertheless (or sin embargo, if you speak Spanish), I got the idea as I was walking away from my guitar lesson, and I didn't look back. This was unintentional, of course, but it inspired the first line of my chorus. And the rest, as they say, is history.

I think this song is a response to the crossroads I'm at. But aside from that, I'm not quite sure how I came up with it, because nothing like it has ever actually happened in my life. [long, pensive pause by the blogger]

Anyway, here's the song:

He Never Looked Back

we said, let's be friends and keep in touch
but we both knew we were lying
we both knew we were out of luck
so then what's the use in trying
and neither one of us really meant it
when we said let's hope for the best
we smiled but only I felt it
so I watched as he went back to the rest

CHORUS:
but he never looked back
after all that we had shared
he never looked back
as if he never cared
as my mind replayed how it used to be
so happy to the point of insanity
and again I heard every laugh
but he never looked back

I wanted to yell at his back
I don't know what I would've said
maybe asked how he could do that
just get what we had out of his head

CHORUS:
cause he never looked back
after all that we had shared
he never looked back
as if he had never cared
my mind replayed how it used to be
back when he was with me
and again I heard every laugh
but he never looked back

BRIDGE:
we said, let's be friends and keep in touch
but we both knew we were lying
we both knew we were out of luck
so then what's the use in trying
and I turned away and tried to forget

CHORUS:
that he never looked back
after all that we had shared
he never looked back
as if he had never cared
my mind replayed how it used to be
us against the world but we were free
and again I heard every laugh
but he, he never looked back
no, he never looked back...

It kind of reminds me of Faith Hill's "Like We Never Loved At All." And I don't know if the second verse is any good, but that's what you're here for. Criticism, comments, jeers, and kudos are all accepted with equal delight.

Much love, and thank you for the musik!

NBK

p.s. Brent Sutter, I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. The Calgary Flames do not deserve you. Nor, on second thought, do the Devils after your defection and betrayal. Oh dear, what a state of affairs. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you, Brent Sutter.

p.p.s. Yes, indescribably happy. Even more so if you did it more often, as you're falling behind. But yes, indescribably happy.

Thank You

Hi there!

I am writing this very late tonight, but very blissful and happy and marvellously in love (a bit one-sidedly, but it's still splendid). Last night I had the beautiful realization that I am helplessly, madly, and pathetically in love, and during my coming to this conclusion I was writing a song about the experience.

A quick country music-related news update, the CMT awards are on Wednesday, the 17th. I think they're available live on the GAC website, or if you have the CMT channel, you can watch in that way. Lots and lots of videos are up for awards, including Taylor Swift, Brad Paisley, Keith Urban, Gloriana, Lady Antebellum, Robert Plant and Alison Krauss, Jamey Johnson, Carrie Underwood, and Brooks & Dunn among many others.

Moving on rapidly, because I love the song and just want to get it out into the ether quickly, this song is about the best night of my life (to date). It's about spending time with the one, and just being grateful for every little thing he does and every little moment that is spent with him (Brad Paisley has a song titled "Little Moments" and it's wonderful, from his Mud on the Tires album). The first verse is my favourite, because I wrote that specifically as it was happening, so it really feels authentic to me. The chorus is what was coursing through my mind as he took my hands and he was paying attention to me, just me, so I was thankful that no one else was getting in the way and that he wasn't disgusted by me (always a plus!). Here it is:

Thank You

standing out there on the dance floor
just the two of us and many many more
me in my pink dress, him in his tux
I wanna tell him I love him so much
it's kind of awkward, I'm wearing heels
is it possible that this is all I need
he's beautiful, he takes my hands
and slowly we start to dance

CHORUS:
and all the while, I'm thinking thank you
thank you for being you
thank you for making this so easy
for teaching me what I never knew
for not making me beg you please
thank you for being you

sitting in the bus on the drive back
I'm feeling there's nothing the night lacks
he leans his head back and starts to hum
my favourite song and my heart goes numb
slowly I block out the background noise
until all that I hear is his voice
he keeps going and it's raining outside
I can't believe for tonight he's mine

CHORUS:
and all the while I'm thinking thank you
thank you for being you
thank you for making this so easy
for teaching me what I never knew
thank you for not making me beg you please
thank you for being you

BRIDGE:
thank you for the touch of your hand
thank you for saying yes when it was easier to say no
thank you for being strong and helping me to stand
thank you for dancing with me real slow
thank you for coming here with me tonight
it's something I'll remember for the rest of my life

his dad picks us up and drives me home
I fall deeper every second so please time go slow
he walks me with an umbrella to my door
I've never felt so in love before
I'd give anything for him to kiss me right now, but it's okay
that he says goodbye and walks away
I walk inside and think that's the way it should be
but I forever after relive the night for me

CHORUS:
and all the while I'll be thinking thank you
thank you for being you
thank you for making this so easy
for teaching me what I never knew
thank you for not making me beg you please
thank you for being you
thank you for being you
thank you for being you

I have no idea if it's any good at all. Maybe I'm just blinded because of how I feel about this guy so instead of being able to distinguish the good from the bad I merely equate anything to do with him as good (which, if you knew him, is slightly ironic) but in that case, that's why I post these things here, in the hope that there will be criticism. Anyway, that's what's new in my life.

Much much love from the pathetically-in-love girl and thank you for the musik!

NBK

p.s. Pittsburgh Penguins = Stanley Cup Champions 2009. Now Sidney Crosby's ego can really be larger than Mellon Arena.