Your Hand (Not How It's Supposed to Be)

I'm really trying very hard to get to 19 posts this year, as with all of the previous years of this blog's existence (of course, last year does not count).  And if you consider the fact that I thought I was done writing songs in late April, it's kind of a big achievement that I'm still going.  You don't need to be impressed, but I guess I sort of am.  However, that being said, who knows how many more I've got left in me.  It's hard to write when only the same subject keeps presenting itself to me.  Over and over.

In terms of new music: as promised, I've listened to Hard 2 Love, and I really like(d) it.  I prefer when Lee Brice sings slower, more ballad-y type songs ("Seven Days a Thousand Times" vs. "Parking Lot Party"), and he does a really good job with those.  As expected, "I Drive Your Truck" is, for me, an absolutely stunning highlight.  I could listen to that song forever.  I've also since picked up Carrie Underwood's new album, Blown Away, and it's taken me a long time (like, twelve listens) to find something nice to say about it.  The title track, "Blown Away," is amazing.  That's for sure.  (Even if the opening scene of that music video makes me cringe.)  Everything else confuses me.  It's like she's trying way too hard to be some sort of fusion of Miranda Lambert and Shania Twain - and she's neither as bad-ass as Miranda, nor as substantive as Shania.    I'm primarily confused, I think, because I agree with what one reviewer said about it (I read the review on my phone sometime in April, and it pains me that I can't find it now!), that it doesn't show anything personal, which is strange from a woman who got married between her last album and this one.  Certainly songs like "Cupid's Got a Shotgun" and "Leave Love Alone" do nothing to convince one that she likes love.  "Two Black Cadillacs" is also scary in the sense that it's sung with such unconcerned gravity, like she believes it and believes the actions are correct.  I mean, I think there are ways of dealing with adultery, sure, but I don't ever think killing your husband is the answer.  (Unless we're talking "Goodbye Earl," and your husband is murderously abusive and Natalie Maines is singing the song as a satire.)  Pity the fool who falls in love with her, then.  Oh, wait...  But like I said, "Blown Away" is amazing, and "Forever Changed" isn't bad either.  And did I mention she sings like an angel?  I just think she's wasting her voice on really terrible undeserving songs like "Good Girl," which presents the exact same subject as "Cowboy Casanova" from her previous album and neither song is very good; and "One Way Ticket" - sample lyric, "say 'adios' to the minimum wage....life is so good, it's sticky sweet / it's a carnival cotton candy treat / all wrapped up in a lollipop, lick it..."

Hmm.

On another note, I also have to admit that "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together" has kind of begun to grow on me.  It came on the radio (my favourite station, of course, being WYNK 101.5 Baton Rouge!) one morning on my way to the gym, and I spent the entire ride home singing along.  Still not nearly as good as "Love Story" or "Mine," the first singles off of Fearless and Speak Now, respectively, but not as obnoxious as it seemed at first listen.

Now.  Song time.  I mean, you know, my song.  Time to strike rather a sombre chord (sorry about that).

While we were on our vacation, we received word that someone we knew had died.  This was someone whose daughter's wedding I had attended barely two years ago - and my heart breaks for the family she left behind.  It was kind of an unexpected death, primarily because no one had told me that she was sick at all.  I spent the entire night after we got the news in the throes of my now-familiar insomnia, staring at the ceiling and thinking about how coincidental it was that I had already begun to write this song (below) when it happened.  I also began to compose this blog post, or at least the introduction to the song-part of the post, that night - quite eloquently, I might add - and ended musing philosophically on the nature of life (and when that happens at two in the morning, might as well kiss sleep goodbye).  None of what I came up with at the time I remember now, sadly.  Well, not too sadly, let's keep things in perspective: when ideas die, it's not so sad because they can always come to life again and be reshaped and re-purposed and put together more elegantly than before; but when people die, that's sad.  But because I don't remember the things I was going to say, I'll just proceed with this part and stop boring you.

I've probably been thinking about this song for a little over a month.  The melody that popped into my head is something that I've had a hard time getting out of it, like with "Driving With An Automatic."  Not that you can hear the melody, of course.  Sorry about that.  But that happened, and when it does, however rarely, I tend to just think of words that go along with it and if they rhyme, they rhyme (and all the better), but if not, at least I have a subject for the melody and a vague idea of the song, and can work from there.  With this song, the bridge part came up first, and I immediately knew exactly what the song was about.  It's like it was always there, and all that was needed was for my heart to hurt just enough with longing for me to find it.

Also, as a last thing: the rhyme scheme, I hasten to add, is very similar to that in "Running in High Heels."  The someone who wrote that comment on that post, by the way, got it wrong.  Maybe not entirely, but he left out much of it.  I should've told him, maybe.  Taken him down a peg or two.

Anyway, that's not the issue.  On to the song.

Your Hand (Not How It's Supposed to Be)

if I offered you my hand,

would you reach back 'cross time again to take it?

if my eyes were full of tears,

would your smile be sincere, or would you fake it?

and if the spring were never-changing,

would we get too used to saying that we'll make it?

oh-oh-oh, oh

take my hand with your hand, your hand, your hand

oh-oh-oh, oh

and I'll hold it 'til the end, the end, the bitter end

if I gave you my last breath,

would you outlive your regrets, and would you shine?

if I thought of final words,

would they only go unheard, or would you send a sign?
and if we had the same sweet dreams,
would we feel the need to make them yours and mine?

oh-oh-oh, oh

take my hand with your hand, your hand, your hand

oh-oh-oh, oh

and I'll hold it 'til the end, the end, the bitter end

BRIDGE:

every so often,

I get so caught up in you laughing

and it feels so real to me

then I realise it's just a daydream

and I'm really holding you until you fall asleep
and I know:
this is not how it's supposed to be

if you weren't a memory,

would you know how to be?

and would you say to me,

oh-oh-oh, oh

I'll take your hand with my hand, my hand, my old hand

oh-oh-oh, oh

and I'll hold you 'til the end, the end, the cold end

oh-oh-oh, oh

take my hand with your hand, your hand, your hand

oh-oh-oh, oh

and I'll hold it 'til the end, the end, the bitter end

until the end, the end, that cold, bitter end

oh-oh-oh, oh

oh-oh-oh, oh

oh-oh-oh, oh...

I know it's not entirely the shifting chorus thing that has been suggested I try, but there's something poignant (I think, excuse the conceit) about the changing of the meaning the third time the "chorus" part rolls around (the quotes are because it's not expressly marked as such above - it didn't present itself to me that way, so I didn't).  Just some questions I wonder about.

Much love, and thank you for the musik,

Just Another Ordinary Girl

It was killing me to see the strongest man I ever knew wasting away to nothing in that hospital room...

P.S.  I'm very proud of Tomas Berdych for winning his quarterfinal match vs. Federer the Great last night at the US Open!  It was hard to root against someone like Roger Federer, whom I admire so much, but how can you not love Berdych?  Matches his shirts to his eyes?  Very humble and sweet and talented?  Can't help but root for him (plus he's Czech, and that's beautiful to me).  I hope he gets into the final.

P.P.S.  Nominations for the CMAs came out earlier this week.  And as I write that, I suddenly realise that I haven't yet actually looked them up.  Whoops.  But I do know that Taylor is nominated for three (only because I follow her on Twitter).  Yay!  Should be a good show, as always.

P.P.P.S.  You probably don't watch the calendar with the same dates in mind as I do, but tomorrow is the one-year anniversary of the Lokomotiv Yaroslavl plane crash.  It will be hard to get through it without a heavy, pained heart.  My thoughts go out to every single person who died, and to their families, and I know that this day will never again be the same.