Invisible

Hi there.

There's a whole bunch of country news for this post, the most important of which is the fact that the nominations for the CMAs came out earlier this week. The show will be broadcast live on November 11th (I will be watching - will you?). To summarize the nominations, Brad Paisley leads with six, and Taylor Swift, Jamey Johnson, George Strait, and the Zac Brown Band all have four. In the most important categories:

Entertainer of the Year
Kenny Chesney
Brad Paisley
George Strait
Taylor Swift (first female since Faith Hill in 2000)
Keith Urban

Female Vocalist of the Year
Miranda Lambert
Martina McBride
Reba McEntire
Taylor Swift
Carrie Underwood

Male Vocalist of the Year
Kenny Chesney
Brad Paisley
Darius Rucker
George Strait
Keith Urban

Album of the Year
American Saturday Night, Brad Paisley
Defying Gravity, Keith Urban
Fearless, Taylor Swift
Love on the Inside, Sugarland
That Lonesome Song, Jamey Johnson

Single of the Year
"Chicken Fried," Zac Brown Band
"I Run To You," Lady Antebellum
"In Color," Jamey Johnson
"People Are Crazy," Billy Currington
"Then," Brad Paisley

Song of the Year
"Chicken Fried," Zac Brown Band
"I Told You So," Randy Travis
"In Color," Jamey Johnson
"People Are Crazy," Billy Currington
"Then," Brad Paisley

Well, that's the summary of the major categories. The full list is available here: http://www.cmaawards.com/nominees.pdf. I can't wait for it! But I also don't know for whom I'm rooting, because I know everyone and all the songs and albums and love them all.

In the past few days, I've discovered a new single by Lady Antebellum, "I Was Here." It's absolutely beautiful, and depicts everything I've ever felt: "I wanna do something that matters / say something different / something that sets the whole world on its ear / I wanna do something better with the time I've been given / and I wanna try to touch a few hearts in this life / leave nothing less than something that says 'I was here'." Who hasn't felt that way? I've also found other songs from Gloriana's debut album: "How Far Do You Wanna Go" and "The Way it Goes." In case you were wondering, "Mary's Song (Oh My My My)" is once again at the top of my top 25 most-played songs. That and "Every Time I Hear Your Name" are my two most favourite, time-tested favourite, songs. Another song I absolutely love, but that's a bit heart-wrenching, is Alan Jackson's "Where Were You (When the World Stopped Turning)." It's about Sept. 11, so I guess it's fitting in this post. Diamond Rio's "One More Day" is also a very lovely song.

I also want to say that the views I expressed in my last post, the ones above the line, came about in a fit of feeling insignificant and unimportant to anyone and everyone. And I felt as though if only 1 person found me important enough, that's all I'd need in life. I also thought that if only one other person believed in me - and felt strongly enough to let me know often - that I'd find it easier to believe in myself.

Behold, this song about that feeling. I wrote this song around the way I feel (explained further down the page) and around one line that appears four times in the song, a line that I created way back in May. And I wrote this song in the old-fashioned way, in my notebook, with cross-outs and arrows and numberings. Maybe I'll scan it in so you can see. It felt good, like I was revisiting an old friend.

I don't mind spending time alone - in fact, I prefer my own company to that of many other people, but it doesn't make me antisocial. On the other hand, it makes me appreciate the company of others when I have it (if it's desirable, of course). So I thought I'd write this song, about wishing someone saw me - that is, the narrator of the song - for what I am and who I am, try as I might to hide and pretend to be invisible. I do that, you know. I try to occupy as little space as possible.

Invisible

when I woke up today it was raining outside
it's easier to get lost on a day like this
so I wore a grey shirt and did my best to hide
but I walked down the street and hoped to be noticed
cause you've known me so much longer than I've known myself

CHORUS:
but if I were invisible, would you still see me
if I tried to hide, would you promise to find me
am I special enough, am I worth it for you
if I were invisible, would you know what to do

I stayed home tonight just like I did last Friday
because there was nowhere I needed to be
I passed the time listening to the radio play
and I wished for you to try and reach me
cause you've known me so much longer than I've known myself

CHORUS:
but if I were invisible, would you still see me
if I tried to hide, would you promise to find me
am I special enough, am I worth it for you
if I were invisible, would you know what to do

BRIDGE:
because I know it's hard to see a girl like me
waiting for you to make the first move isn't easy
but you've known me so much longer than I've known myself
which is why I want you there tonight when I discard my shell

tonight I vowed I'll change my quiet ways
as I dressed in bright yellow and sang a new song
because you told me you can't wait to say
"just wait, baby girl and I'll prove you wrong
cause I've known you so much longer than you've known yourself

CHORUS:
and if you were invisible, I would still see you
if you tried to hide, I'd know what to do
cause you're special enough, and you're worth it for me
if you were invisible, you're all that I'd see
if you were invisible, you're all that I'd see"

I make it end happily for my character. Here's to happy endings.

Much love, and thank you for the musik!

NBK

p.s. I woke up this morning to buy my ticket for the October 12th hockey game at Verizon Center, the New Jersey Devils at the Washington Capitals. If you're going to be there, you'll find me in section 107, row W, seat 15. I'll be wearing a Devils shirt, because I don't have a jersey. But a month ago, I didn't even have the shirt. Look for me.