Of course, once I announced that I would be taking my leave from this blog in the postscript to the previous entry, it's been like the floodgates have opened inside my mind, and my pen-wielding hand could barely keep up. So typical. In any case, the possible candidates to be featured in this last post were (in no particular order): "Touch You (Electricity)," which is about that insane, overwhelming, inexplicable physical attraction to someone* - written as a duet; "One Moment at a Time," a really cool retrospective look at a relationship, from the beginning through the various stages of development, and then to "coffee, old times' sake / go our separate ways"; "How it Feels (A Stone, Personified)," a really intense breakup song that includes one of my very favourite lines that I've ever written, "but I go off in my car, just to park somewhere and cry"; "Last Minute of My Life," written on Election Day for a boy to whom I gave my heart on that day four years ago, and who last summer said he owed me something and I was a fool for believing him; and "Picking Daisies," in a pseudo-tribute to the victims of the Newtown, CT/Sandy Hook Elementary School tragedy.
I think maybe I'm best at eloquence when it comes to sadness.
"Last Minute of My Life" would probably have been a more fitting end to this blog, seeing as it's basically been a chronicle of the farce that was our whole relationship that wasn't, our friendship that couldn't, no matter how either one of us tried. But I'm over it. The whole point of that song is that I am not wasting another fraction of my time on dwelling(maybe the things-that-might've-been really are the ones that are the hardest to escape) so that's what I'll do. I'm rising above, and going out with this song instead. Which, you know, is really cheerful and all.
Except not. I was writing it during my Intro to Accounting class (gripping), after having it sort of germinate in my mind night and day for a few weeks, and I actually started crying right there in the middle of it, at my desk. Had anyone noticed, I'm sure it would have been awkward. It's not the first time I've cried while writing a song (also, not the first time I've cried during class) - and I don't know if it's the saddest song I've ever written - but it affected me more than any other before.
This post was typed a few weeks ago, but I was waiting to put it up. But I have to say, even reading the song back now reaffirms to me that it's a good one. Heart-wrenching, I think, but good.
One More Time
all the places where you once stood
still have a certain magic
I only have to look around a room,
to see you there inside it
because the truth is, I miss you dearly,
with every breath I take
so pretending that you're here with me
is my favourite part of the day
CHORUS:
I close my eyes, and there we are,
together again
I'm breathing you, feeling your heart,
and holding your hand
and you're not just a shadow, floating across my mind
and I get to say, "I love you," one more time
I have a hard time believing
you'd want me to find someone else,
but I find myself not leaving
when he asks me about myself
and as much as he must hate it,
I can't deny it's true
that when I'm lying next to him,
I make believe it's you
CHORUS:
I close my eyes, and there we are,
together again
I'm breathing you, feeling your heart,
and holding your hand
and you're not just a memory, living on in my mind
and I get to say, "I love you," one more time
BRIDGE:
I've wished a million times it had been me,
that day in that car
then you would have lived and the last thing I'd have known
was being in your arms
and it wouldn't be me, missing you this much,
wishing I, wishing I could just give up
2nd CHORUS:
you'd close your eyes, and there we'd be,
together again
you'd breathe me in, feel my heart beat,
and you would hold my hand
I wouldn't be just a memory, living on in your mind
and we'd get to say, "I love you," one more time
you get to say, "I love you," one more time
but I close my eyes, and there we are,
together again
I'm breathing you, feeling your heart,
and holding your hand
and you're not just a memory, living on in my mind
and I get to say, "I love you," one more time, one more time
the truth is, I miss you dearly,
with every breath I take,
and pretending that you're here with me,
is my favourite part of the day,
because you get to hear "I love you," one more time...
Raise your hands: how many thought it was just about a break-up? That bridge got me. And continues to get me, every time. Also, remember when I said that someone had suggested I try shifting choruses, just changing it a little bit, so that by the end it comes to mean something else? Again, this isn't entirely that, I think, but the second chorus there is also powerful, changing the perspective and pronouns - it seemed to me like a punch in the stomach. I don't know. Maybe you won't have that same reaction, and that's okay, too, of course.
And with that, this experiment is over. The first post, aptly titled "First Post (I know, how original)," was 15 July 2008, and the last is this, on 29 December 2012, travelling from a black-background-pink-text layout - which I much, much preferred - to this blue-and-grey colour scheme. Thank you for reading, if you have been - whether you're a serial visitor, or just merely stumbled upon it once. I shake you warmly by the hand.Bonus points if you know from what book that is.
So. For the last time:
Much love, and thank you for the musik,
Just Another Ordinary Girl
*such as I have to the occupant of the #2 spot on my (very international) list of the most attractive men in the world.The things I would do to him, things of which I've always been terrified...
We ride, side by side - a cloud of dust, a ray of light.
Oh, why do I reach for the stars, when I don't have wings to carry me that far?
And, finally, I leave you with the inspiring, immortal words of ABBA,
I'm nothing special, in fact, I'm a bit of a bore / if I tell a joke, you've probably heard it before....and I've often wondered how did it all start / who found out that nothing can capture a heart, like a melody can? / well, whoever it was, I'm a fan / so I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing / thanks for all the joy they're bringing / who can live without it, I ask in all honesty / what would life be? / without a song or a dance, what are we? / so I say thank you for the music - for giving it to me...
I think maybe I'm best at eloquence when it comes to sadness.
"Last Minute of My Life" would probably have been a more fitting end to this blog, seeing as it's basically been a chronicle of the farce that was our whole relationship that wasn't, our friendship that couldn't, no matter how either one of us tried. But I'm over it. The whole point of that song is that I am not wasting another fraction of my time on dwelling
Except not. I was writing it during my Intro to Accounting class (gripping), after having it sort of germinate in my mind night and day for a few weeks, and I actually started crying right there in the middle of it, at my desk. Had anyone noticed, I'm sure it would have been awkward. It's not the first time I've cried while writing a song (also, not the first time I've cried during class) - and I don't know if it's the saddest song I've ever written - but it affected me more than any other before.
This post was typed a few weeks ago, but I was waiting to put it up. But I have to say, even reading the song back now reaffirms to me that it's a good one. Heart-wrenching, I think, but good.
One More Time
all the places where you once stood
still have a certain magic
I only have to look around a room,
to see you there inside it
because the truth is, I miss you dearly,
with every breath I take
so pretending that you're here with me
is my favourite part of the day
CHORUS:
I close my eyes, and there we are,
together again
I'm breathing you, feeling your heart,
and holding your hand
and you're not just a shadow, floating across my mind
and I get to say, "I love you," one more time
I have a hard time believing
you'd want me to find someone else,
but I find myself not leaving
when he asks me about myself
and as much as he must hate it,
I can't deny it's true
that when I'm lying next to him,
I make believe it's you
CHORUS:
I close my eyes, and there we are,
together again
I'm breathing you, feeling your heart,
and holding your hand
and you're not just a memory, living on in my mind
and I get to say, "I love you," one more time
BRIDGE:
I've wished a million times it had been me,
that day in that car
then you would have lived and the last thing I'd have known
was being in your arms
and it wouldn't be me, missing you this much,
wishing I, wishing I could just give up
2nd CHORUS:
you'd close your eyes, and there we'd be,
together again
you'd breathe me in, feel my heart beat,
and you would hold my hand
I wouldn't be just a memory, living on in your mind
and we'd get to say, "I love you," one more time
you get to say, "I love you," one more time
but I close my eyes, and there we are,
together again
I'm breathing you, feeling your heart,
and holding your hand
and you're not just a memory, living on in my mind
and I get to say, "I love you," one more time, one more time
the truth is, I miss you dearly,
with every breath I take,
and pretending that you're here with me,
is my favourite part of the day,
because you get to hear "I love you," one more time...
Raise your hands: how many thought it was just about a break-up? That bridge got me. And continues to get me, every time. Also, remember when I said that someone had suggested I try shifting choruses, just changing it a little bit, so that by the end it comes to mean something else? Again, this isn't entirely that, I think, but the second chorus there is also powerful, changing the perspective and pronouns - it seemed to me like a punch in the stomach. I don't know. Maybe you won't have that same reaction, and that's okay, too, of course.
And with that, this experiment is over. The first post, aptly titled "First Post (I know, how original)," was 15 July 2008, and the last is this, on 29 December 2012, travelling from a black-background-pink-text layout - which I much, much preferred - to this blue-and-grey colour scheme. Thank you for reading, if you have been - whether you're a serial visitor, or just merely stumbled upon it once. I shake you warmly by the hand.
So. For the last time:
Much love, and thank you for the musik,
Just Another Ordinary Girl
*such as I have to the occupant of the #2 spot on my (very international) list of the most attractive men in the world.
We ride, side by side - a cloud of dust, a ray of light.
Oh, why do I reach for the stars, when I don't have wings to carry me that far?
And, finally, I leave you with the inspiring, immortal words of ABBA,
I'm nothing special, in fact, I'm a bit of a bore / if I tell a joke, you've probably heard it before....and I've often wondered how did it all start / who found out that nothing can capture a heart, like a melody can? / well, whoever it was, I'm a fan / so I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing / thanks for all the joy they're bringing / who can live without it, I ask in all honesty / what would life be? / without a song or a dance, what are we? / so I say thank you for the music - for giving it to me...
