The Only Thing

Does anyone out there have any New Year's Resolutions?  Mine last year was simple - well, at least, simple to verbalise.  It was, simply, to be happy for the majority of the 365 days.

Whether or not I was successful I will not say.  I will, however, say that I'm aiming lower this year, with my resolution to brush my teeth daily before leaving the house.

But I am grateful for this year.  Absolutely.  It was one hell of a ride.  And before I get too philosophical, let me just continue on.

And now, the song.  It was born in Barbados - when we were in Barbados, that is.  14 August.  See?

The melody just popped into my head and I don't even know if the words fit the melody, or the music fit the words; it was just that seamless.  The next day, we were riding around Saint Kitts in the back of one of those Caribbean taxis and I could not stop coming up with new rhymes, new images, new things to say in this song.  My sister, at one point, was reading over my shoulder a little bit, and asked, "New song?"  When I said yes, and told her the name, she riffed with it and made it a Caribbean-themed ditty:  "the only thing I need is sunshine and a beach."

But, as you will see shortly, it is not that kind of song.

The Only Thing

there was a time you were my sunrise

my early morning sleepy eyes

my chocolate milk in the kitchen, 'cause I don't drink coffee

you used to be my holiday

my damn, you take my breath away

my that cloud up there looks just like you laughing at me

there was a time you were my fast car

my adventurous beating heart

my I'll go anywhere as long as you'll be there with me

you used to be my applause

my midday phone call just because

my this heart of mine is so full that I can't even speak

CHORUS:

but now, you're just a page in my diary

a bright and burning memory

the mascara running down my cheek

you're the alcohol I pour in my drink

a sleepless night spent remembering

'cause I let you become everything

and I relive it all the time

but the only thing you won't ever be again, is mine

there was a time you were my movie quotes

my just between us inside jokes

my let's stay sitting after dinner, slowly sipping tea

you used to be my slow dance

my inseparable hand-in-hand

my safe midnight arms to hold me 'til I fall back asleep

CHORUS:

but now, you're just a page in my diary

a bright and burning memory

the mascara running down my cheek

you're the alcohol I pour in my drink

a sleepless night spent remembering

'cause I let you become everything

and I relive it all the time

but the only thing you can't ever be again, is mine

BRIDGE:

the realisation comes crashing in, of how much we were

and just how much we lost when we lost each other

and I understand now, why and just how much it hurts

'cause we were always more than friends, never just lovers

so, please remember me as your sunrise

your across-the-table brown eyes

your skipping for no reason as we're walking down the street

remember me as your northern lights

your this is our song taking flight

your everything you are is all I'll ever need

because yours, is the only thing I ever wanted to be... (end)

I had a big huge, profound, in-depth analysis of the song written up, thinking that I needed it, that it needed something to accompany it - but having just re-read it, I think the song stands alone and needs nothing else.  It is quite a lovely (albeit melancholy) way to bring the year to a close.

My next post (next year!) will be the 100th on this blog.

Much love, and thank you for the musik,

Just Another Ordinary Girl

p.s.  Fingers crossed that Michael Schumacher, the Formula 1 legend himself, pulls through his skiing injury.  I have been unable to think about anything else these past few days, and I am sick with worry about him.  All my love and positive thoughts going to his hospital room in Grenoble. 

Now I don't know what to be without you around / and we know it's never simple, never easy / never a clean break, no one here to save me / you're the only thing I know like the back of my hand / and I can't breathe without you, but I have to.

No One Else's Heartbreak

Seeing as today is the last day of the year 2013, I would like to wish anyone who is reading (and everyone else who isn't, as well) a very healthy and happy and wonderful new year.  And I hope that everyone also celebrated the holidays in a loving, and joyous way.

I forgot to mention that in the previous post.

Here's another unusual song for me - but it's because of the writing style, not so much the structure (see: previous post).

So here's a song that is so fun, mostly because I completely made it up.  There's nothing that makes sense with where I am now, really, and it's the first song in a while (or, ever, except for maybe "Zach Is Looking Hot Tonight") that doesn't really have a granule of truth that comes from something I've experienced, emotionally or otherwise, and I think that's what makes it so cool for me.  Because that's just it - I don't need to have experienced these things to have come up with the song anyway.  I just wrote it without having it pertain to me.

But that's also where the bridge/chorus thing comes into play, as being the most similar to my other songs, because it has the most of me in it.  (And I say "bridge/chorus thing" because I originally conceptualised those lines as the bridge, with the song not having a repeating pseudo-chorus, but then I came up with "this ain't no one else's heartbreak, but mine," and I loved it so much and put it as the song title, too, that I couldn't help but want to repeat it.)

Anyway, otherwise, this song came quickly.  I really didn't think about it too long, or work on it too hard (I know, I know).  The idea came to me on a Monday evening in mid-October, between the first and second periods of a Devils game in Edmonton (against the Oilers); I remember so because I was standing in the kitchen, and as I was thinking up lines (the bridge actually came first, but it was followed closely by the "sages" line) I just knew it was going to be something good.  I just didn't know it would come so quickly - by that Wednesday, I was done.

No One Else's Heartbreak

the girl who bagged my groceries gave me an extra chocolate bar

she winked and said, "there, that oughta help with your broken heart,"

and last night I got a phone call from my aunt Giselle

who told me it's high time I got under someone else

the man I sat next to on the bus said, "it's his loss,"

and my best friend who's never been in love thinks I'm better off

I don't remember asking their opinion, or maybe they're trying to be nice

but all the sages come out in a small town, when you don't want their advice

my cousin's boyfriend's roommate offered to beat you up for me

and asked if I need to borrow a bottle from his stash of whiskey

the woman who does my mama's hair's talked on and on and on

about how she always said that one day you'd be gone

the teachers I had all throughout school tell me, "it's his loss,"

and the neighbor who never much liked you thinks I'm better off

I don't remember asking their opinion, or maybe they're trying to be nice

but all the sages come out in a small town, when you don't want their advice

and they all make it sound so simple, just like walking away

but I can still remember the way you used to say my name

so I just smile, bite my lip, and say, "thank you, I'm fine,"

because this ain't no one else's heartbreak, but mine

your first ex came over because she thought I could use the company

she laughed and said, "don't worry, there's plenty other fish in the sea,"

and my great-aunt has already been trying to set me up

so I got a call from her best friend's favourite grandson

everyone I meet keeps telling me this is your loss

and people who never even knew you think I'm better off

I don't remember asking their opinion, or maybe they're trying to be nice

but all the sages come out in a small town, when you don't want their advice

and they all make it sound so simple, just like walking away

but I can still remember the way you used to say my name

so I just smile, bite my lip, and say, "thank you, I'm fine,"

because this ain't no one else's heartbreak, but mine

no, this ain't no one else's heartbreak, but mine...

So, yeah.  There's that.  I like the idea of the misguided assistance and advice from everyone who knows her (and a few people who don't), and how she just has to deal with it because people are never gonna change.  I love the idea of "all the sages" in a small town, because there's such sarcasm in the way she says it.  Like she's just humouring them - which, obviously, she is.  But then there are those moments beyond that, moments where her actual hurt (and heart) is showing through - like how she can still remember how he used to say her name.  And the fact that it's addressing him ("you") is almost conspiratorial, and confiding, and serves as juxtaposition to the lighthearted tone of the rest of it.

And that thing with her being able to remember how he said her name is something I came up with a few years ago.  I won't go into detail, but I went to China in the summer of 2007 with People to People (it's a student ambassadors program that I may have already mentioned once upon a time on this blog) and about 35 other kids from the area.  The girl with whom I was closest while on the trip, and I got to talking once and I was telling her about this guy I had seriously been crushing on at home who told me he was gay that January (yeah), and how I discovered that I was over him when I couldn't remember how he said my name.  (This was a trick she later used to convince herself it was okay to hook up with a guy on the trip, that it wasn't cheating on her boyfriend back home because she couldn't remember how he said her name.  ...No comment.)

Much love, happy New Year, and thank you for the musik,

Just Another Ordinary Girl

I heard, from a friend of a friend of a friend, that you finally got rid of that girlfriend...whole town nearly hooped and hollered.

For Good

I know it's been a while.  And I've only just recently realised just how close we are to the end of the year, so I should probably get in my last three posts for the year (to get to 19 posts for 2013) before it ends and I can no longer do so.

And I'll just dive right in, shall I?

You will probably be able to tell immediately that the structure of this song is a little bit different; usually I end on a chorus, or something.  But I also think it's cool to get away from the traditional form from time to time, and it doesn't hurt this song to be a little different.

This one is also a departure, thematically, from most of my others.  It speaks to that moment when someone whose company you've been enjoying says to you, after a nice evening, "Oh, by the way, I'm deploying to Afghanistan (or wherever) next month."  And suddenly you have to decide what your reaction to the situation is going to be.  You're stripped of the illusion of a perfect world preoccupied only with simple, trivial, feel-good things, and things just absolutely get real.  You have to make the decision of whether or not you're going to make the commitment to him, after only a few months of knowing him - which, I imagine, is a difficult situation.  And it's like something dark and scary has creeped in between these two people, because being together got hard and serious and stressful and grown-up right when it should have been at its most carefree and fun and easy.  But you don't want to let go of him and of what you've started, and you don't want to get in the middle of what he always wanted to do (and what would give him a sense of purpose and meaning), so you grow up on the spot and make the decision to stick with him, even thought that opens up a series of other fears and worries and what ifs.  (I'd very much imagine.)

So the "for good" has a double meaning there.

As does the "leaving you behind," of course.  (Or is it a triple meaning?)  Slight connections to be made with that one, too.

It's written in the second person, to maintain a sort of bizarre surreality, because nothing about war feels real to the people staying home (and yet, simultaneously, it feels extremely real).  There's a disconnect there.  And it's especially hard to fathom when it's someone you love (or have begun to love) going away to a place you barely know anything about, to do something you never even wanted to think about.  It challenges your whole perception of life, and what you expected from it.  (I assume.)

And then there's the circuity, where it ends with a variation on the first little couplet of the opening verse.  Which makes it come full circle, somewhat.  Like life.

For better or worse.  And,

For Good

it happens when you least expect it,
that reality comes knocking on the door
and the safe little world you've constructed
isn't unassailable anymore

it might come as a phone call,
or it might be something you already know
either way, there's nothing that can break the fall
when suddenly he's halfway across the globe

CHORUS:
next thing you're holding on, with everything you have
and he's getting on the plane, and he's not looking back
you won't stop him from doing, what he always said he would
but what if it means he's leaving you behind for good

you find you've aged too much, much too fast
and you forget about forever
because this may be the only chance you'll have
for you to grow old together

BRIDGE:
oh, nothing has changed yet,
but everything feels different already
and the place he carved for you with his own two hands
suddenly feels empty

CHORUS:
next thing you're holding on, with everything you have
and he's getting on the plane, and he's not looking back
you won't stop him from doing, what he always said he would
but what if it means he's leaving you behind for good

so you hold on to what makes you strong
just as you decide to hold back your tears
and things could change once again, before too long
you can't stop these days from passing into years

still you're scared behind your smiles
where your heartbeat was easy before
'cause you didn't expect to be blindsided
when reality came knocking on the door

Much love, and thank you for the musik,

Just Another Ordinary Girl

And I'm lonely for the way I was.

Oh, she just couldn't believe it, she heard the trumpets from the military band / and the flowers fell out of her hand / baby, why'd you leave me, why'd you have to go / I was counting on forever, now I'll never know / I can't even breathe / it's like I'm looking from a distance, standing in the background...