(Goodbye) Never Crossed My Mind

Things I have learned about myself in the past month and a half, or so (this list is sincere, and not intended as any kind of self-indulgent or self-pitying monologue - it's an unemotional reflection on things as I see them):

1.  I am going to die young.

I don't belong in this world.  I care too much, and have no proper defense mechanism, to survive long in the great wide somewhere.  And that's okay.  This world destroys stardust, you know.  It so repels beauty as to send it back upon itself to self-destruct.  That's sad.

I spend too much time lost in daydreams and fantasies, living in a world infinitely more beautiful than this one.

And so it'll swallow me, too, eventually.

2.  I will never be able to kiss someone without being made to feel bad about it afterwards.

3.  This is my last post.

I've made the choice to let go of this blog.  It was a thought that just passed through my mind in the making of this list, and as soon as I gave it a voice I knew it to be true.  And it's not going to be a trumped-up, pretentious farewell as was my last leave-taking from this blog.  It's just happening, and then all of this will, for better or worse, slowly fade away.

But maybe I'll return one day.  Who knows.

I've never been able to stay away for long before.

(Goodbye) Never Crossed My Mind

I don't like to think about the future
because I know all the sadness it can bring
and it scares me to think, over the next few years,
what all I can lose that someone else will win

used to be I never for a second thought like this
but that was before I had something I didn't want to lose
now every moment might bring some magic I might miss
so I don't want to close my eyes around you

I remember you said "I love you" in the middle of a different sentence
it was so quick I didn't notice until a few hours had gone by
and still here we are, our time somehow nearing the end
but of all the things I always thought I'd say to you,
goodbye, never crossed my mind

some people come into our lives so suddenly
and others leave exactly in the same way
it makes me wonder which one of those you are to me
and just how much more there is for us to say

'cause when I said "I love you," I wrote it on a piece of paper
but you came to me so you could see me say it with your own eyes
and still here we are, these moments fading into a blur
but of all the things I always thought I'd say to you,
goodbye, never crossed my mind

BRIDGE:
maybe you've been getting ready for this from the day that we first met
but I never wanted to think about how hard you'll be to forget

we kissed for the first time in your car after you drove me home
just as the sun was going down the day before the fourth of July
still here we are, about to be all on our own
but of all the things I always thought I'd say to you,
goodbye, never crossed my mind

oh, of all the things I always thought I'd be saying to you
goodbye, it never crossed my mind

(goodbye, goodbye)
(goodbye, goodbye)
(goodbye, goodbye)
I don't like to think about the future (goodbye, goodbye)
because I know all the sadness it can bring (goodbye, goodbye)
(goodbye, goodbye)
(goodbye, goodbye)...

Much love, and thank you for the musik.

I knew it from the start: someday you'd break my heart.

You're afraid it's all been wasted time.