Holding Out For You

New song alert:  "Ignition," by Matt Stillwell.  I cannot get over the way he sings the end of the first line of the chorus, "to the side of the highway..."  He kills it.  And now, I must turn it on - excuse me for a moment, please.

Okay, back.  The song is playing now.

Now, since I've already posted rather recently (ha, ha), I'll just progress to the song referenced in the title.  Apparently, the phrase means something fairly different from what I originally thought it did when I wrote the song, but I didn't know it at the time.  It was only when I showed someone the bridge, and she said, "Oh, I like how you went many different ways with that expression," that I figured it out.  Oh, well.  I'm sure you'll understand once you get through it once (because I don't expect you to read these things more than just the one time).

The date my notebook gives me about this song is 12 August 2011.  I distinctly remember having written this song some time before that on my iPod (with the Notes function), and then forgetting about it, rediscovering it in the fall sometime with a pleasant semi-shock.

Also, I should mention that I don't know a "Dan."  I made him up.

Holding Out For You


my good friend Dan has all but told me he loves me
he pretends he doesn't, but I've guessed the truth
the thing is, he's not the only one hiding how he feels
'cause what you're not seeing is, I only have eyes for you

CHORUS:
he and I could be building something, I might be making a huge mistake
I'm giving up a lot for you without even knowing if you feel the same way
but I've somehow got to believe, it's my heart I'm listening to
so instead of holding onto him, I'm holding out for you

this is the wrong way to go about falling in love
but no one ever had a cookie cutter for the rest of your life
so I guess I'm either waiting for him to give up
or for you to eventually realise

CHORUS:
he and I could be building something, I might be making a huge mistake
I'm giving up a lot for you without even knowing if you feel the same way
but I've somehow got to believe, it's my heart I'm listening to
so instead of holding onto him, I'm holding out for you

BRIDGE:
holding out hope that you'll break up with her
holding out hope that you love me, too
holding out hope that I won't forever
be holding out hope for you

CHORUS:
he and I could be building something, I might be making a huge mistake
I'm giving up a lot for you, without even knowing if you feel the same way
but I'm somehow got to believe, it's my heart I'm listening to
so instead of holding onto him, I'm holding out for you

I could be holding onto him, but, baby, I'm holding out for you
yes, I'm holding out for you

I don't care what anyone says, but the line about no one having a "cookie cutter for the rest of your life" is one of my absolute favourites which I have ever written.  It actually inspired my new twitter handle, when I wanted to change it in an effort to erase myself - I went from "countrymusik19" to a version of the aforementioned line.

Much love, and thank you for the musik,

Just Another Ordinary Girl

You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness, like resignation to the end - always the end.


p.s.  Since the day Pat Burns died, I've had issues with insomnia - that's not to say I think the two things are related, but it's just strange that they happened to coincide.  Today, it's worse than it has been; 2:45 AM and I'm not in the mood to sleep.  It may have something to do with the fact that I'm meeting this guy tomorrow (today, really) for lunch, and I hate him but every part of me wants, desperately, to see him again.  If you've been keeping up with me on this blog, you'll know who it is.  And you'll know that it's been years, but perhaps you'll also know that, after loving someone so passionately for a period of time and having your entire self broken under that weight (and under the crushing remembrance of saying, "I...like you...a lot," and hearing the response, "I have that effect on a lot of people"), it's hard to let go of the interior turmoil caused by a simple text message or a casually brushed-upon memory.  A friend of mine warned me to guard my heart, but it's my mind I'm worried about.

p.p.s.  Tomorrow (read: today) is also NHL free agency.  Which brings about nerves of its own.  Thankfully, I'm covered on that end, too.  Hopefully, my naivete about human nature will not be shattered tomorrow (today), and can live fully on to disappoint me some other day.