I consider this song a great triumph. And my friend, to whom I've been sending these things during the various hiatuses of the blog, said it was his new favourite and "something truly special."
Not to toot my own horn, of course. Please feel free to disagree.
But sometimes things crash into your mind, and all you can do is listen. This is one of those things - it just appeared in my head out of nowhere, and all I could do was try to capture it and write it down. So I'm proud of it, but for some reason don't feel as though I can entirely take all the credit for it (even though it was completely my work).
It happened during the week I had been working on "Left Behind." And then, on a Thursday (and not just any Thursday - 14 February, Valentine's Day), I was waiting at the bus stop and a phrase flew into my mind: "And her name is Lonely." With the "and," and the capital "L," and everything, which to me just begged to be used. And it was like the whole song just spread out before me, and I couldn't wait to start writing it down.
So I won't really describe it too much, because there's not much to say that's not in the song already. And being too verbose about it beforehand might ruin the effect of it. Just some technical stuff: there isn't much of a chorus, specifically - a few lines do repeat, but they're mostly attached to the verses, so there's a flow that doesn't necessarily need a chorus. The way the penultimate line of each verse in my mind sounds is quite dramatic, with cymbals crashing and drums (like in "The Moment I Knew," one of the bonus tracks off of Red). A sort of escalation in instrumentation, if you will. Retrospectively, I started thinking that maybe it's my own sort of response to my favourite Sugarland song, "Little Miss." For instance, response to lines like, "little miss I'll take less when I always give so much more"; and "little miss hid your scars / little miss who you are is so much more than you like to talk about." It's a genius song, and it hits home every time. But this was an after-the-fact thought, so my song is just that: mine.
Because, I know this girl. I am this girl.
And Her Name is Lonely
she's not the kind of girl that you would notice on the street
with a face you can't remember, and her shadow passing quietly
she never ruffles any feathers, always tries so hard to please
and the world that doesn't see her is exactly the one she sees
she comes home every evening, where "Eleanor Rigby" plays on repeat
she hums along with the melody,
and her name, her name, her name is Lonely
and her name is Lonely
she developed a habit of saying "I'm sorry" with every breath that she takes
because someone once broke her by saying she was in the way
now she waits to be asked before she'll open her mouth to speak
and she bites her tongue to keep herself humble and meek
she comes home every evening, where "Eleanor Rigby" plays on repeat
she hums along with the melody,
and her name, her name, her name is Lonely
and her name is Lonely
BRIDGE:
sometimes she searches for something to destroy
when the stillness closes in on her
and she sings in the shower, just to hear her own voice
but the silence is still taking over
(break in music)
she comes home every evening, where "Eleanor Rigby" plays on repeat
she hums along with the melody,
(music escalates, rejoins)
and her name, her name, her name is Lonely
and her name is Lonely
she's fallen in love with a man she likes to pretend is real
because at the very least it gives her something to feel
she stays up late at night thinking 'bout how her life could be
but maybe she'd be something great with just a few more hours' sleep
she comes home every evening, where "Piano Man" plays on repeat
she's uncertain and shy, but mostly, mostly:
her name, her name, her name is Lonely
and her name is Lonely
So there it is. It's one of the more personal ones, I suppose. I didn't even need to make anything up, because I know all of this a little too well. I wonder what you think about it.
Much love, and thank you for the musik,
Just Another Ordinary Girl
You and I know, how the heartaches come and they go and the scars they're leaving / you'll be dancing once again, and the pain will end.
25 September 2013
24 September 2013
Loved You Best
As promised, this is the pseudo-follow-up to the previous song, to "Charming." They both work as stand-alone songs, but I think they're imbued with a little bit more meaning when put together in such close proximity and chronology. They're bookends, if you will. "Charming" was kind of the beginning of a story, and "Loved You Best" is the end of it. Well, basically, all of the songs posted this year have been the end, but there is a direct link, obviously, between those two specifically. The whole charming thing. Which you'll see.
And once you read it, hopefully, you'll see why "Loved You Best" is the continuation of the evening described in "Charming." As I said, the charming part of somebody is the way you get drawn into wanting to know him or her better, but the "when you weren't being charming, is when I loved you best" (from the chorus of the song below) is all the moments afterwards, when the walls of trying to impress somebody come down and you don't have to try to be cute or appealing and can just be completely yourself because you know he won't mind and that's the best part. So this is a song that speaks to that, the moments beyond the charisma and the construction of the charm, the moments when it was isolated from anyone who was on the outside looking in, the moments when it was okay to be crazy and fearless and stupid and joyful and funny (I love the line "we were funny before we got too stressed"), because it was just two people. No one was judging, no one else was there when the walls came down, who wouldn't understand the relationship. So, yeah.
I might be repeating myself here, from the previous post.
So I'll move on and try to explain where this song came from, as itself. And the truth is that I have no idea how I came up with this song so quickly; I was writing one song during class one April Wednesday earlier this year, and then this one came out of nowhere. I'd been mulling around the final line in the chorus (the "charming" one) for a long time, and I had the first two lines waiting for me on my iPhone notes application, also for a while, but I originally meant them in a different context. It's kind of strange how that happens, that something which seemed right in one circumstance suddenly makes more sense in quite another. But it was astonishing, how this song came out of that. Suddenly, I'd found my "Holy Ground," referencing the song from Taylor Swift's Red. And what was even more amazing was that I still have so many phrases and memories and lines that I wanted to put into a song, but it was too much to fit just into this one. I've been writing so many sad and lonely songs lately (more coming) that it felt kind of wonderful to write this one, focusing on happier things, more positive things. There's always something good that can come out of the bad, I think. I always try to look for a silver lining, no matter how difficult it can be.
So, yeah. I really like this song. It's lighthearted, and it tries (I say "tries," because I don't want to be too assertive or self-congratulatory in saying that it flat-out does) to capture that joy and exuberance and ease and youth. For instance, I can't get over that phrase, "it was wonderful and crazy" - I don't know why. But at the same time, the undercurrent is that you (the reader, you) know it doesn't last, so the fleetingness of the moments being described comes across with a certain bittersweetness that is beautiful in its own delicate way.
Enjoy.
Loved You Best
do you remember, I was sixteen and you were everything I wanted to know
together, we were stardust and a firecracker, and we weren't exactly taking it slow
we used to drive to a place we picked on the map, and we wouldn't tell a soul
and I loved to be in the car with you, your arm hanging out the window
we'd turn on the radio, and make up new words to every song we knew
our cocoon of steel shut out the world 'til it was just me and you
CHORUS:
and that's how I remember it, the time I passed with you
it was wonderful and crazy, and went by just a little too fast
looking back now and then it still leaves me kind of breathless
that we were funny before we got too stressed
you were mine before you were anyone else's
and when you weren't being charming, is when I loved you best
it's been a while, but still the sound I remember most is both of us laughing
together, we were sunrise and a hurricane, and we made silly faces in photographs
we used to stay up late for no reason but that we didn't want to sleep
and I loved feeling like we were the only two awake in the whole city
we'd close the door and be far away from people who could ridicule
and we wore out the bedroom floorboards dancing around like a pair of fools
CHORUS:
and that's how I remember it, the time I passed with you
it was wonderful and crazy, and went by just a little too fast
looking back now and then it still leaves me kind of breathless
that we were funny before we got too stressed
you were mine before you were anyone else's
and when you weren't being charming, is when I loved you best
and I loved that all the girls that were dying to know you never had a prayer
and in all the time I don't think there was a single second I was scared
CHORUS:
and that's how I remember it, the time I passed with you
it was wonderful and crazy, and went by just a little too fast
looking back now and then, it still leaves me kind of breathless
that we were funny before we got too stressed
you were mine before you were anyone else's
and when you weren't being charming, is when I loved you best
(outro:)
I loved you in starlight, I loved you in bare feet
I loved you in sunglasses, and I loved you with me
I loved you in black and white, I loved you in red
I loved you in army green, and I loved you best
I loved you in starlight, I loved you in bare feet
I loved you in sunglasses, and I loved you with me
I loved you in black and white, I loved you in red
when you weren't charming, is when I loved you best
Oh, man. "You were mine before you were anyone else's" just struck me as so beautiful.
I also think there's something nice about saying "I loved you best" instead of "I loved you most." I don't quite know what it is about that phrasing, but it somehow means more. I don't know.
But maybe you do.
Much love, and thank you for the musik,
Just Another Ordinary Girl
You carried romance in the palm of your hand, you called the plays for us...and it drove me, and it drove me, and it drove me wild.
And once you read it, hopefully, you'll see why "Loved You Best" is the continuation of the evening described in "Charming." As I said, the charming part of somebody is the way you get drawn into wanting to know him or her better, but the "when you weren't being charming, is when I loved you best" (from the chorus of the song below) is all the moments afterwards, when the walls of trying to impress somebody come down and you don't have to try to be cute or appealing and can just be completely yourself because you know he won't mind and that's the best part. So this is a song that speaks to that, the moments beyond the charisma and the construction of the charm, the moments when it was isolated from anyone who was on the outside looking in, the moments when it was okay to be crazy and fearless and stupid and joyful and funny (I love the line "we were funny before we got too stressed"), because it was just two people. No one was judging, no one else was there when the walls came down, who wouldn't understand the relationship. So, yeah.
I might be repeating myself here, from the previous post.
So I'll move on and try to explain where this song came from, as itself. And the truth is that I have no idea how I came up with this song so quickly; I was writing one song during class one April Wednesday earlier this year, and then this one came out of nowhere. I'd been mulling around the final line in the chorus (the "charming" one) for a long time, and I had the first two lines waiting for me on my iPhone notes application, also for a while, but I originally meant them in a different context. It's kind of strange how that happens, that something which seemed right in one circumstance suddenly makes more sense in quite another. But it was astonishing, how this song came out of that. Suddenly, I'd found my "Holy Ground," referencing the song from Taylor Swift's Red. And what was even more amazing was that I still have so many phrases and memories and lines that I wanted to put into a song, but it was too much to fit just into this one. I've been writing so many sad and lonely songs lately (more coming) that it felt kind of wonderful to write this one, focusing on happier things, more positive things. There's always something good that can come out of the bad, I think. I always try to look for a silver lining, no matter how difficult it can be.
So, yeah. I really like this song. It's lighthearted, and it tries (I say "tries," because I don't want to be too assertive or self-congratulatory in saying that it flat-out does) to capture that joy and exuberance and ease and youth. For instance, I can't get over that phrase, "it was wonderful and crazy" - I don't know why. But at the same time, the undercurrent is that you (the reader, you) know it doesn't last, so the fleetingness of the moments being described comes across with a certain bittersweetness that is beautiful in its own delicate way.
Enjoy.
Loved You Best
do you remember, I was sixteen and you were everything I wanted to know
together, we were stardust and a firecracker, and we weren't exactly taking it slow
we used to drive to a place we picked on the map, and we wouldn't tell a soul
and I loved to be in the car with you, your arm hanging out the window
we'd turn on the radio, and make up new words to every song we knew
our cocoon of steel shut out the world 'til it was just me and you
CHORUS:
and that's how I remember it, the time I passed with you
it was wonderful and crazy, and went by just a little too fast
looking back now and then it still leaves me kind of breathless
that we were funny before we got too stressed
you were mine before you were anyone else's
and when you weren't being charming, is when I loved you best
it's been a while, but still the sound I remember most is both of us laughing
together, we were sunrise and a hurricane, and we made silly faces in photographs
we used to stay up late for no reason but that we didn't want to sleep
and I loved feeling like we were the only two awake in the whole city
we'd close the door and be far away from people who could ridicule
and we wore out the bedroom floorboards dancing around like a pair of fools
CHORUS:
and that's how I remember it, the time I passed with you
it was wonderful and crazy, and went by just a little too fast
looking back now and then it still leaves me kind of breathless
that we were funny before we got too stressed
you were mine before you were anyone else's
and when you weren't being charming, is when I loved you best
and I loved that all the girls that were dying to know you never had a prayer
and in all the time I don't think there was a single second I was scared
CHORUS:
and that's how I remember it, the time I passed with you
it was wonderful and crazy, and went by just a little too fast
looking back now and then, it still leaves me kind of breathless
that we were funny before we got too stressed
you were mine before you were anyone else's
and when you weren't being charming, is when I loved you best
(outro:)
I loved you in starlight, I loved you in bare feet
I loved you in sunglasses, and I loved you with me
I loved you in black and white, I loved you in red
I loved you in army green, and I loved you best
I loved you in starlight, I loved you in bare feet
I loved you in sunglasses, and I loved you with me
I loved you in black and white, I loved you in red
when you weren't charming, is when I loved you best
Oh, man. "You were mine before you were anyone else's" just struck me as so beautiful.
I also think there's something nice about saying "I loved you best" instead of "I loved you most." I don't quite know what it is about that phrasing, but it somehow means more. I don't know.
But maybe you do.
Much love, and thank you for the musik,
Just Another Ordinary Girl
You carried romance in the palm of your hand, you called the plays for us...and it drove me, and it drove me, and it drove me wild.
19 September 2013
Charming
This is a song I love, one that will herald in a quasi-new "period," so to speak, of my songs. It's the one that most, out of all of the songs I've ever written, speaks to the little girl in me (and that part of my mind that is still) fascinated by fairy tales and romantic, carefree stories that are meaningful in their meaninglessness.
Welcome.
This is also a song I wrote about three times. Once, a long time ago. (No, not once upon a time - too early.) And then, because I wrote a song called "Loved You Best," which is upcoming and is thoroughly connected to "Charming," I wanted to revisit it. And I couldn't find it. So I tried to re-create it. But as I was doing so, earlier this year, I misplaced that sheet of looseleaf as well, so I had to start again. And that is the version you will see here, transcribed.
So, no, this is not the "original," as it were. I have filled three notebooks with songs, but I am only left with two now, so I think this might have been a casualty of that. For better or worse, I suppose. Instead, I set about trying to recreate it from memory, which is a bit more difficult than it may sound (unless, of course, it does actually sound difficult). I remembered a few of the major themes, and the bridge is basically a carbon copy of the original, I think. So what you get here is a melding of sorts, of the person and the writer I used to be when I wrote it originally and of the person and writer I am now.
And I hope you'll see what I mean by that. There's a nice, sweet, almost magical confluence of more childish images (the happily ever after, for starters, or the glass slipper moment) and the feeling of nostalgia (as in the second verse). And when I introduce you to "Loved You Best," I'll get more into it, too, but this is the precursor to all that. The charming part of somebody is how one gets drawn into wanting to know him/her better. And that's what you have here - it's a song about being drawn into loving somebody. And it doesn't matter how long the "I think I could love you for a while" ends up being - a single night, or six and a half years, or forever. Because it started with a dance, it started with an evening, and it started with someone being charming.
But then, of course, you have the "charming" meaning a little something else, as well. Because, obviously, the fairytale imagery is STRONG here (maybe a little too much, but that's what makes it sweet). I used so much from what I remembered, to make it work. I think a part of everyone is just searching for the pieces to fit right - like a pair of glass slippers being made to fit just one person - and wants to feel like nothing is going to go wrong, especially with a beginning that's perfect, and that there really will be a happily ever after, etc. So the use of the word "charming" is deliberate - namely, as in Prince Charming. And there's an additional bit of cleverness that I won't go into, but it's something that makes it all just a little more meaningful than is inherent in the multilayered themes.
Additionally, you might be able to figure out why all of my recent songs incorporated an image of dancing. It started with this.
Charming
your eyes were the first thing I saw, following me across the room
and I don't think anything's ever shined so bright
I should have prepared my heart, for what I was getting it into
but I didn't know, when I walked in here tonight
that you would be so charming, I'd want you to be mine
I heard about someone like you, once upon a time
CHORUS:
out of everyone in this crowded room, you're the only one I want to know better
and it's like I can't stop grinning like crazy, 'cause that's what you do to me
you catch my eye with a wink and a smile
and it makes me think I could love you for a while
careful now, or you might have me dreaming for once about happily ever after
it's just one moment in a life, but I'll remember it always
how you came over and asked me to dance right there
our hands met and I caught my breath, so close that I could touch your face
and I don't know who tried harder not to stare
all the lights in the room lit up your hair like a crown
and you looked at me like I was the only girl around
CHORUS:
out of everyone in this crowded room, you're the only one I want to know better
and it's like I can't stop grinning like crazy, 'cause that's what you do to me
you catch my eye with a wink and a smile
and it makes me think I could love you for a while
careful now, or you might have me dreaming for once about happily ever after
BRIDGE:
would you mind if I called you beautiful tonight?
you're charming and crazy, you've brought me to life
I hope I didn't dream this, don't let me be wrong
shouldn't you have a glass slipper for us* to try on?
CHORUS:
out of everyone in this crowded room, you're the only one I want to know better
and it's like I can't stop grinning like crazy, 'cause that's what you do to me
you catch my eye with a wink and a smile
and you whisper, "I think I could love you for a while"
careful now, or you might have me dreaming for once about happily ever after
oh, you've gotten me dreaming for once about happily ever after
your eyes were the first thing I saw, following me across the room
and I don't think anything's ever shined so bright... (end)
*This is something that could have been corny but ended up being really great. Of course, the traditional fairytale image is the guy (that is, Prince Charming) whipping out a glass slipper for Cinderella to try on, to see whether or not she fits, which would mean that she's The One. But including him in this phrase (as in, having the word "us" rather than "me"), in this more modern image, makes it all just a little less idealised, and a little more inclusive and unified.
At least I think so. I wonder what you might think.
Much love, and thank you for the musik,
Just Another Ordinary Girl
And I don't know how it gets better than this / you take my hand and drag me headfirst, fearless. And I don't know why, but with you, I'd dance in a storm in my best dress, fearless.
Welcome.
This is also a song I wrote about three times. Once, a long time ago. (No, not once upon a time - too early.) And then, because I wrote a song called "Loved You Best," which is upcoming and is thoroughly connected to "Charming," I wanted to revisit it. And I couldn't find it. So I tried to re-create it. But as I was doing so, earlier this year, I misplaced that sheet of looseleaf as well, so I had to start again. And that is the version you will see here, transcribed.
So, no, this is not the "original," as it were. I have filled three notebooks with songs, but I am only left with two now, so I think this might have been a casualty of that. For better or worse, I suppose. Instead, I set about trying to recreate it from memory, which is a bit more difficult than it may sound (unless, of course, it does actually sound difficult). I remembered a few of the major themes, and the bridge is basically a carbon copy of the original, I think. So what you get here is a melding of sorts, of the person and the writer I used to be when I wrote it originally and of the person and writer I am now.
And I hope you'll see what I mean by that. There's a nice, sweet, almost magical confluence of more childish images (the happily ever after, for starters, or the glass slipper moment) and the feeling of nostalgia (as in the second verse). And when I introduce you to "Loved You Best," I'll get more into it, too, but this is the precursor to all that. The charming part of somebody is how one gets drawn into wanting to know him/her better. And that's what you have here - it's a song about being drawn into loving somebody. And it doesn't matter how long the "I think I could love you for a while" ends up being - a single night, or six and a half years, or forever. Because it started with a dance, it started with an evening, and it started with someone being charming.
But then, of course, you have the "charming" meaning a little something else, as well. Because, obviously, the fairytale imagery is STRONG here (maybe a little too much, but that's what makes it sweet). I used so much from what I remembered, to make it work. I think a part of everyone is just searching for the pieces to fit right - like a pair of glass slippers being made to fit just one person - and wants to feel like nothing is going to go wrong, especially with a beginning that's perfect, and that there really will be a happily ever after, etc. So the use of the word "charming" is deliberate - namely, as in Prince Charming. And there's an additional bit of cleverness that I won't go into, but it's something that makes it all just a little more meaningful than is inherent in the multilayered themes.
Additionally, you might be able to figure out why all of my recent songs incorporated an image of dancing. It started with this.
Charming
your eyes were the first thing I saw, following me across the room
and I don't think anything's ever shined so bright
I should have prepared my heart, for what I was getting it into
but I didn't know, when I walked in here tonight
that you would be so charming, I'd want you to be mine
I heard about someone like you, once upon a time
CHORUS:
out of everyone in this crowded room, you're the only one I want to know better
and it's like I can't stop grinning like crazy, 'cause that's what you do to me
you catch my eye with a wink and a smile
and it makes me think I could love you for a while
careful now, or you might have me dreaming for once about happily ever after
it's just one moment in a life, but I'll remember it always
how you came over and asked me to dance right there
our hands met and I caught my breath, so close that I could touch your face
and I don't know who tried harder not to stare
all the lights in the room lit up your hair like a crown
and you looked at me like I was the only girl around
CHORUS:
out of everyone in this crowded room, you're the only one I want to know better
and it's like I can't stop grinning like crazy, 'cause that's what you do to me
you catch my eye with a wink and a smile
and it makes me think I could love you for a while
careful now, or you might have me dreaming for once about happily ever after
BRIDGE:
would you mind if I called you beautiful tonight?
you're charming and crazy, you've brought me to life
I hope I didn't dream this, don't let me be wrong
shouldn't you have a glass slipper for us* to try on?
CHORUS:
out of everyone in this crowded room, you're the only one I want to know better
and it's like I can't stop grinning like crazy, 'cause that's what you do to me
you catch my eye with a wink and a smile
and you whisper, "I think I could love you for a while"
careful now, or you might have me dreaming for once about happily ever after
oh, you've gotten me dreaming for once about happily ever after
your eyes were the first thing I saw, following me across the room
and I don't think anything's ever shined so bright... (end)
*This is something that could have been corny but ended up being really great. Of course, the traditional fairytale image is the guy (that is, Prince Charming) whipping out a glass slipper for Cinderella to try on, to see whether or not she fits, which would mean that she's The One. But including him in this phrase (as in, having the word "us" rather than "me"), in this more modern image, makes it all just a little less idealised, and a little more inclusive and unified.
At least I think so. I wonder what you might think.
Much love, and thank you for the musik,
Just Another Ordinary Girl
And I don't know how it gets better than this / you take my hand and drag me headfirst, fearless. And I don't know why, but with you, I'd dance in a storm in my best dress, fearless.
12 September 2013
Left Behind
And so, now we have this song.
But first, something I haven't done in a while: mention new music which has caught my ears and captured my heart. (Okay, so that was lame and cheesy. Getting away from the point.) First, I would like to mention Tegan and Sara. AMAZING. They're an indie-rock duo from Canada (identical twin sisters, too), and their music (particularly the most recent album, Heartthrob) is just brilliant. I got the CD barely two weeks ago, and it has gotten to the point with me that I can't remember what my life was like before I heard their songs. Of course, "Closer" is the pair's biggest hit, but I don't think it's the best song. My favourites are "Now I'm All Messed Up" and "How Come You Don't Want Me," although honourable mentions go to "I Was a Fool," "Drove Me Wild," and "I'm Not Your Hero." Or you could just listen to the album and see (as it were) for yourself.
The other bit of new music is just a single song, "I Hope That I Don't Fall in Love With You." It's Tom Waits, I think, originally, but I'm particularly fond of the Marc Cohn cover which was in a film I watched recently. The music is wonderful, but the lyrics just get me. They radiate such delicate, extraordinary beauty-laced-with-pain. I hope that I don't fall in love with you / 'cause falling in love just makes me blue / the music plays, and you display your heart for me to see... Oh, it's just beautiful. I could go on, but I promise I won't. Just check it out, please.
And now here I go with my own song. As promised.
Now, I really ought to try and explain its origins, and its conception, and perhaps even its meaning, but at the same time I feel as though it sort of defies explanation. What more is there to say about it that isn't in the song already? Plenty, probably, just none of it seems to want to come out right now. You'll see pretty quickly (right from the "chorus," which begins the song, or at least from the last line of the first verse) that it has something to do with a soldier. But, it's not in the way that you might think.
Because I get it - I write country music (or what I think is country music), and country music is ostensibly America's genre, right? So it depends heavily on military stories for song inspiration, and on patriotic themes, and if even as a joke between songs in a set you say, for example, that you are ashamed that the President is from Texas, you get black-listed (I am a fan of the Dixie Chicks, by the way). Right? But you see, I am a pacifist, and have always been a little too selfish to be able to identify with a military story enough to want to write a song about it. Up until the moment I found myself far too close to one to keep myself away from writing this song, that is. (And a few others.) Although there are so many reasons why the inspiration for the song will never actually read it (but don't worry, his not coming home is not one of them, mostly because he did, in fact, come home), but that doesn't mean I didn't borrow things he has said, and insert them into it. He'd know, for instance, if he were to stumble upon it somehow, that he's the man in the song. But it's not a military song in the way that country usually does it (which is in a very patriotic, sympathetic way). And that's addressed right off the bat, I think. When I made the decision to have the "chorus" begin the song, I did so because I knew I wouldn't have to go into a long, drawn-out explanation as to the song's subject in the first verse, because it would introduce it from the beginning instead, in a more subtle, nuanced way, which thrilled me. And then as the song develops throughout the verses, more and more of the backstory comes out - and it's really just the story of a girl lying awake and missing someone, as one would miss a recent ex, only that it is in the context of them not only having broken up but him having gone off to war, so she's both heartbroken and worried for him, both sad/lonely and trying to get over him at the same time. This is such an emotional song, to the point where writing it was exhausting and had to be done in small doses (over a long period of time - I came up with the concept in January or so, and finished it for good only in April), but it's not too in-your-face about it. There's a stoicism behind her emotion, as well as a yearning behind her rationalism. And part of it is that it's written to suggest it's a letter, so there's the connotation of that distance, but also a sort of omnipresent intimacy (in that you know she's talking to him but also she knows she won't be sending it so that allows it to be just a bit more honest than if she were actually going to send it). If any of this makes any sense.
Sorry for the long paragraph.
I've just realised how much I like to analyse my own songs. Oh, well. Here's one more thing to look out for: see if you can catch the subtle - or perhaps, not-so-subtle - words and phrases that have double meanings, both civilian and military (hint: "conquer"; "occupied"; "martyr"; and even "fight" in the second verse can be seen as the war, which was the original context, or the "fight we had before you went overseas" mentioned in the first verse, which occurred to me after I had written the song and the realisation nearly knocked my off my seat). Just some fun stuff.
And I think by now you may have had enough of an exposition to the song. So, finally, here's:
Left Behind
this is a letter I won't ever send
it's not so much a "Dear John," as an "I wish you were here tonight"
and so much for thinking that writing it would help,
'cause now I'm not only missing you, but I'm feeling left behind
these words that I'm writing I wouldn't ever dare say, but I know you can't hear me tonight
maybe I should start with something like "how are you," maybe I should say I'm alright
but I remember well the fight we had before you went overseas
so I don't want to waste your time, if you've been getting over me
and I'm guessing you've forgotten what such pleasantries are for
since there it's "take a life to save a life, " but I know nothing of war
all I know is loneliness has settled in, and I can't fall asleep
because I gave my heart to a milit'ry man to keep
this is a letter I won't ever send
it's not so much a "Dear John," as an "I wish you were here tonight"
and so much for thinking that writing it would help,
'cause now I'm not only missing you, but I'm feeling left behind
I wonder just how much this fight will change you, and if you will ever be the same
these months without you might just make me understand exactly why you had to go away
but now I can't even call your phone, whenever I would like
and I'm not convinced that I would answer, if you were to call mine
because sometimes love doesn't conquer all, whatever I believed
but this distance and our silence say more than could any words like these
I've heard "absence makes the heart grow fonder," but mine's only more confused
about our once-sweet meant-to-be we made a mess of, and misused
this is a letter I won't ever send
it's not so much a "Dear John," as an "I wish you were here tonight"
and so much for thinking that writing it would help,
'cause now I'm not only missing you, but I'm feeling left behind
lately my days feel more like a string of bad daydreams, but it's better than facing the truth
'cause it scares me that if we die you're the one who wins, and if you come back, I lose
you've always found this life exciting, but I feel like a martyr
with you travelling and moving on, this isn't our adventure
I've signed every letter "love, my name," since I first held a pen
but here that wouldn't be right, because we broke up before you went
maybe in my heart I always knew I couldn't keep you occupied
not when you spent your time being too much army, not enough mine
And there's no "chorus" to end the song, because I think that last line is just powerful enough to drive the point home without having to fall back into the "chorus" one last time. It is, so to speak, killer.
Anyway, there it is. Thanks, as always, for reading.
Next two songs coming up: "Charming" and "Loved You Best." In that order.
Much love, and thank you for the musik,
Just Another Ordinary Girl
So what happened to bulletproof weeks in your arms?...What happened to thinking the world was flat? / What happened, yeah, what happened to that?
Maybe we got lost in translation, maybe I asked for too much / but maybe this thing was a masterpiece, 'til you tore it all up...
But first, something I haven't done in a while: mention new music which has caught my ears and captured my heart. (Okay, so that was lame and cheesy. Getting away from the point.) First, I would like to mention Tegan and Sara. AMAZING. They're an indie-rock duo from Canada (identical twin sisters, too), and their music (particularly the most recent album, Heartthrob) is just brilliant. I got the CD barely two weeks ago, and it has gotten to the point with me that I can't remember what my life was like before I heard their songs. Of course, "Closer" is the pair's biggest hit, but I don't think it's the best song. My favourites are "Now I'm All Messed Up" and "How Come You Don't Want Me," although honourable mentions go to "I Was a Fool," "Drove Me Wild," and "I'm Not Your Hero." Or you could just listen to the album and see (as it were) for yourself.
The other bit of new music is just a single song, "I Hope That I Don't Fall in Love With You." It's Tom Waits, I think, originally, but I'm particularly fond of the Marc Cohn cover which was in a film I watched recently. The music is wonderful, but the lyrics just get me. They radiate such delicate, extraordinary beauty-laced-with-pain. I hope that I don't fall in love with you / 'cause falling in love just makes me blue / the music plays, and you display your heart for me to see... Oh, it's just beautiful. I could go on, but I promise I won't. Just check it out, please.
And now here I go with my own song. As promised.
Now, I really ought to try and explain its origins, and its conception, and perhaps even its meaning, but at the same time I feel as though it sort of defies explanation. What more is there to say about it that isn't in the song already? Plenty, probably, just none of it seems to want to come out right now. You'll see pretty quickly (right from the "chorus," which begins the song, or at least from the last line of the first verse) that it has something to do with a soldier. But, it's not in the way that you might think.
Because I get it - I write country music (or what I think is country music), and country music is ostensibly America's genre, right? So it depends heavily on military stories for song inspiration, and on patriotic themes, and if even as a joke between songs in a set you say, for example, that you are ashamed that the President is from Texas, you get black-listed (I am a fan of the Dixie Chicks, by the way). Right? But you see, I am a pacifist, and have always been a little too selfish to be able to identify with a military story enough to want to write a song about it. Up until the moment I found myself far too close to one to keep myself away from writing this song, that is. (And a few others.) Although there are so many reasons why the inspiration for the song will never actually read it (but don't worry, his not coming home is not one of them, mostly because he did, in fact, come home), but that doesn't mean I didn't borrow things he has said, and insert them into it. He'd know, for instance, if he were to stumble upon it somehow, that he's the man in the song. But it's not a military song in the way that country usually does it (which is in a very patriotic, sympathetic way). And that's addressed right off the bat, I think. When I made the decision to have the "chorus" begin the song, I did so because I knew I wouldn't have to go into a long, drawn-out explanation as to the song's subject in the first verse, because it would introduce it from the beginning instead, in a more subtle, nuanced way, which thrilled me. And then as the song develops throughout the verses, more and more of the backstory comes out - and it's really just the story of a girl lying awake and missing someone, as one would miss a recent ex, only that it is in the context of them not only having broken up but him having gone off to war, so she's both heartbroken and worried for him, both sad/lonely and trying to get over him at the same time. This is such an emotional song, to the point where writing it was exhausting and had to be done in small doses (over a long period of time - I came up with the concept in January or so, and finished it for good only in April), but it's not too in-your-face about it. There's a stoicism behind her emotion, as well as a yearning behind her rationalism. And part of it is that it's written to suggest it's a letter, so there's the connotation of that distance, but also a sort of omnipresent intimacy (in that you know she's talking to him but also she knows she won't be sending it so that allows it to be just a bit more honest than if she were actually going to send it). If any of this makes any sense.
Sorry for the long paragraph.
I've just realised how much I like to analyse my own songs. Oh, well. Here's one more thing to look out for: see if you can catch the subtle - or perhaps, not-so-subtle - words and phrases that have double meanings, both civilian and military (hint: "conquer"; "occupied"; "martyr"; and even "fight" in the second verse can be seen as the war, which was the original context, or the "fight we had before you went overseas" mentioned in the first verse, which occurred to me after I had written the song and the realisation nearly knocked my off my seat). Just some fun stuff.
And I think by now you may have had enough of an exposition to the song. So, finally, here's:
Left Behind
this is a letter I won't ever send
it's not so much a "Dear John," as an "I wish you were here tonight"
and so much for thinking that writing it would help,
'cause now I'm not only missing you, but I'm feeling left behind
these words that I'm writing I wouldn't ever dare say, but I know you can't hear me tonight
maybe I should start with something like "how are you," maybe I should say I'm alright
but I remember well the fight we had before you went overseas
so I don't want to waste your time, if you've been getting over me
and I'm guessing you've forgotten what such pleasantries are for
since there it's "take a life to save a life, " but I know nothing of war
all I know is loneliness has settled in, and I can't fall asleep
because I gave my heart to a milit'ry man to keep
this is a letter I won't ever send
it's not so much a "Dear John," as an "I wish you were here tonight"
and so much for thinking that writing it would help,
'cause now I'm not only missing you, but I'm feeling left behind
I wonder just how much this fight will change you, and if you will ever be the same
these months without you might just make me understand exactly why you had to go away
but now I can't even call your phone, whenever I would like
and I'm not convinced that I would answer, if you were to call mine
because sometimes love doesn't conquer all, whatever I believed
but this distance and our silence say more than could any words like these
I've heard "absence makes the heart grow fonder," but mine's only more confused
about our once-sweet meant-to-be we made a mess of, and misused
this is a letter I won't ever send
it's not so much a "Dear John," as an "I wish you were here tonight"
and so much for thinking that writing it would help,
'cause now I'm not only missing you, but I'm feeling left behind
lately my days feel more like a string of bad daydreams, but it's better than facing the truth
'cause it scares me that if we die you're the one who wins, and if you come back, I lose
you've always found this life exciting, but I feel like a martyr
with you travelling and moving on, this isn't our adventure
I've signed every letter "love, my name," since I first held a pen
but here that wouldn't be right, because we broke up before you went
maybe in my heart I always knew I couldn't keep you occupied
not when you spent your time being too much army, not enough mine
And there's no "chorus" to end the song, because I think that last line is just powerful enough to drive the point home without having to fall back into the "chorus" one last time. It is, so to speak, killer.
Anyway, there it is. Thanks, as always, for reading.
Next two songs coming up: "Charming" and "Loved You Best." In that order.
Much love, and thank you for the musik,
Just Another Ordinary Girl
So what happened to bulletproof weeks in your arms?...What happened to thinking the world was flat? / What happened, yeah, what happened to that?
Maybe we got lost in translation, maybe I asked for too much / but maybe this thing was a masterpiece, 'til you tore it all up...
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