Because You're Wonderful

I originally intended to post this yesterday, as I was writing up the draft earlier this week.  I'm keeping the original text, below, even though it is now another day.
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As it is the fourteenth of February, I feel it would be remiss of me if I were not to wish anyone reading this a very happy Valentine's Day.

At the same time, what the hell do I know about that?  I have never had the pleasure(?) of being in love on Valentine's Day.  But I do wish it for everyone else.  At least I have my songs - some people well and truly have nothing.  I cannot, for better or worse, say the same thing about myself.

But because it is that famed day of love, I thought I'd share with you this song.  There are many things it's not - but loving is definitely not one of them.  (Enjoy figuring out that double negative.)  Also, complicated.  In fact, it's really quite simple.

And I think part of it is that it's been difficult for me to write songs lately.  I'm not sure why.  But I would come up with a line here, or a chorus there, while never exactly being able to continue with the idea, even when I was otherwise quite pleased with it.  So I have a plethora of little slips of paper all together in a folder that I just never could get around to (or could compel myself to pay attention to).  This one, for example, I started 3 December, and finished only about two weeks ago - and only then because I thought it might help me if I concentrated on a single song, and I chose this one.

It's about someone with whom I don't stand a chance, but who still, whenever I see him, makes the thought, "My god, he's beautiful," run through my mind as though I were in a Taylor Swift song.  And he knows I think he's wonderful (in fact, that seems to be my word of choice to describe him, as I have yet to use another) - and he enjoys it.  A little too much.

So it was this that inspired me to write.  And the song itself began as a poem, which I shall reproduce in full here (it's an unbelievably short poem):

Your face.
     Two words on my lips:
     Wonderful, and ridiculous.
That last, for me, and the other
     is yours alone.

And that's it.  It accurately presents the state of things.  But it also serves as a jumping-off point for the full-length song, which I didn't think would actually manage to grow from something so small.

But it did.  And even though falling for him was a mistake - and will never not be - I couldn't help it.  I just couldn't.  And the reason?  Three guesses.

Because You're Wonderful

sometimes when I'm sleeping, you come to me and we dream all night, laughing
and then I'm surprised when I see you the next day and it didn't actually happen
but I can't help it, if I think you're wonderful
because you're wonderful
and I love the way you walk, with your black jacket on
and I love the way it smells, like cigarettes and gum
and sometimes, more than anything,
I love how it sounds when you say my name

sometimes during the day, my eyes find your face and my heart skips a beat
and I hope no one notices in that moment how I'm struck by electricity
but I can't help it, if I think you're wonderful
because you're wonderful
and I love to watch your eyes, the way they smile when your mouth does
and I love hearing your voice, and when you laugh just because
and sometimes, more than anything,
I love how it sounds when you say my name

BRIDGE:
I could stand with you forever, you would only have to ask and I'd stay
and I would tell you that you're wonderful every day

'cause I love to watch your eyes, the way they smile when your mouth does
and I love hearing your voice, and when you laugh just because
and sometimes, more than anything,
more than anything

I can't help it, if I think you're wonderful,
because you're wonderful
oh-whoa, you're wonderful
(fade out)

As I said, it's quite simple.  I imagine a very simple guitar line, with an explosive crescendo on the line "because you're wonderful," in each verse.  But then again, I have no idea if it's a good one, because, as I've said, I have lost the ability to write songs (at least, it certainly feels that way).  But it's everything I'm feeling now - which, true to form, has no easy explanation.  But I suppose it's my way of honouring the good I see.  I don't know, maybe it's stupid.  I'm sure at least he would think I was a fool if he knew this song existed.

But whatever.  I gave myself until yesterday (14 February) to pretend that being blissed out on him would have a happy ending - and today starts the getting-over-him process.  But just for once - for ONCE - I would love to fall for someone without the exquisite agony of knowing that it's a lost cause.  Not that it matters, now, anyway, as I have decided to put my heart away.  For how long, I'm not sure.  But at least for a substantial period of time, because I can't do this anymore.

If there's anybody out there, let me know any reactions to the song you might have.

Much love, and thank you for the musik,

Just Another Ordinary Girl

Stay beautiful, every little piece, love.

p.s.  I should really find a new moniker.  I think I've outgrown the angst of this one.