Valentine's Day

Now this would have been the song to post on Friday, the fourteenth.

Too bad I didn't actually think of it until Sunday.  The sixteenth.

And I started writing it en route to a funeral.  It was my next-door neighbor's, who had been very sick for many years, for as long as I had known her (about twenty years).  And I was standing there, listening to her life's story being told, holding my dad's hand and wishing that there were a way he would never leave me.  Of course, not two minutes later, he moved away, to go stand with my mom.  Fair enough, I suppose.

On the way home, I was listening to Pure Heroine, Lorde's ridiculously amazing debut album, and composing this song of my own.  Which has nothing to do with funerals or anything, just to be clear.  But of course, almost as if on purpose, as I was coming up with the first verse (I had finished the chorus and the bridge by then), I got a text from the person who inspired it.  And all I wanted was for the song to not even be necessary, but it was because this is reality and not something I can pretend isn't happening.  And it goes back to what I was saying at the very end of the last post, about starting to get over him.

Or trying to, at least.

Valentine's Day

today I decided to learn just how to put away my heart
and you're on my list of things not to think about, tonight
I guess some battles are lost before they even start
it's sad, but I missed watching the sun going down, tonight

CHORUS:
now I'm going room to room, just turning off the lights
running out of reasons to keep this hope alive
little by little, I'm letting go of everything beautiful I ever saw you do
and I'm washing away the stars that would shine when I looked at you
so here's to tonight, nothing left to say,
goodbye to sweet dreams, on this Valentine's Day

it feels like ages since I've smiled, going on fourteen hours
and I've been defeated by not even trying, tonight
the taste your name left on my tongue is turning sour
it's sad, but I think the butterflies I used to feel are dying, tonight

CHORUS:
and I'm going room to room, just turning off the lights
running out of reasons to keep this hope alive
little by little, I'm letting go of everything beautiful I ever saw you do
and I'm washing away the stars that used to shine when I looked at you
so here's to tonight, nothing left to say,
goodbye to sweet dreams, on this Valentine's Day

BRIDGE:
there has to be something between giving up and holding out forever
but it's taking all I have just to hold myself together
so here's to tonight, nothing left to do,
goodbye to pretending, and to feeling like a fool

CHORUS:
so I'm going room to room, just turning off the lights
running out of reasons to keep this hope alive
little by little, I'm letting go of everything beautiful I ever saw in you
and I'm washing away the stars that would shine when I looked at you
so here's to tonight, nothing left to do,
goodbye to pretending, and to feeling like a fool

here's to tonight, nothing left to say,
goodbye to sweet dreams, on this Valentine's Day...

Maybe it's just me, but I think it's powerfully sad, and I'm quite happy with it (as contradictory as it sounds).

I'm not going to analyse this song to death, but I like that it's mostly written in metaphor - like the turning off the lights part.  And my favourite line is, "little by little, I'm letting go of everything beautiful I ever saw in you / and I'm washing away the stars..."  I came up with that part sitting in the passenger's seat of a car he was driving, along snow-covered back roads.

Well, that's it from me.

Much love, and thank you for the musik,

Just Another Ordinary Girl

We're so happy, even when we're smiling out of fear.