Charming

This is a song I love, one that will herald in a quasi-new "period," so to speak, of my songs.  It's the one that most, out of all of the songs I've ever written, speaks to the little girl in me (and that part of my mind that is still) fascinated by fairy tales and romantic, carefree stories that are meaningful in their meaninglessness.

Welcome.

This is also a song I wrote about three times.  Once, a long time ago.  (No, not once upon a time - too early.)  And then, because I wrote a song called "Loved You Best," which is upcoming and is thoroughly connected to "Charming," I wanted to revisit it.  And I couldn't find it.  So I tried to re-create it.  But as I was doing so, earlier this year, I misplaced that sheet of looseleaf as well, so I had to start again.  And that is the version you will see here, transcribed.

So, no, this is not the "original," as it were.  I have filled three notebooks with songs, but I am only left with two now, so I think this might have been a casualty of that.  For better or worse, I suppose.  Instead, I set about trying to recreate it from memory, which is a bit more difficult than it may sound (unless, of course, it does actually sound difficult).  I remembered a few of the major themes, and the bridge is basically a carbon copy of the original, I think.  So what you get here is a melding of sorts, of the person and the writer I used to be when I wrote it originally and of the person and writer I am now.

And I hope you'll see what I mean by that.  There's a nice, sweet, almost magical confluence of more childish images (the happily ever after, for starters, or the glass slipper moment) and the feeling of nostalgia (as in the second verse).  And when I introduce you to "Loved You Best," I'll get more into it, too, but this is the precursor to all that.  The charming part of somebody is how one gets drawn into wanting to know him/her better.  And that's what you have here - it's a song about being drawn into loving somebody. And it doesn't matter how long the "I think I could love you for a while" ends up being - a single night, or six and a half years, or forever.  Because it started with a dance, it started with an evening, and it started with someone being charming.

But then, of course, you have the "charming" meaning a little something else, as well.  Because, obviously, the fairytale imagery is STRONG here (maybe a little too much, but that's what makes it sweet).  I used so much from what I remembered, to make it work.  I think a part of everyone is just searching for the pieces to fit right - like a pair of glass slippers being made to fit just one person - and wants to feel like nothing is going to go wrong, especially with a beginning that's perfect, and that there really will be a happily ever after, etc.  So the use of the word "charming" is deliberate - namely, as in Prince Charming.  And there's an additional bit of cleverness that I won't go into, but it's something that makes it all just a little more meaningful than is inherent in the multilayered themes.

Additionally, you might be able to figure out why all of my recent songs incorporated an image of dancing.  It started with this.

Charming

your eyes were the first thing I saw, following me across the room
and I don't think anything's ever shined so bright
I should have prepared my heart, for what I was getting it into
but I didn't know, when I walked in here tonight
that you would be so charming, I'd want you to be mine
I heard about someone like you, once upon a time

CHORUS:
out of everyone in this crowded room, you're the only one I want to know better
and it's like I can't stop grinning like crazy, 'cause that's what you do to me
you catch my eye with a wink and a smile
and it makes me think I could love you for a while
careful now, or you might have me dreaming for once about happily ever after

it's just one moment in a life, but I'll remember it always
how you came over and asked me to dance right there
our hands met and I caught my breath, so close that I could touch your face
and I don't know who tried harder not to stare
all the lights in the room lit up your hair like a crown
and you looked at me like I was the only girl around

CHORUS:
out of everyone in this crowded room, you're the only one I want to know better
and it's like I can't stop grinning like crazy, 'cause that's what you do to me
you catch my eye with a wink and a smile
and it makes me think I could love you for a while
careful now, or you might have me dreaming for once about happily ever after

BRIDGE:
would you mind if I called you beautiful tonight?
you're charming and crazy, you've brought me to life
I hope I didn't dream this, don't let me be wrong
shouldn't you have a glass slipper for us* to try on?

CHORUS:
out of everyone in this crowded room, you're the only one I want to know better
and it's like I can't stop grinning like crazy, 'cause that's what you do to me
you catch my eye with a wink and a smile
and you whisper, "I think I could love you for a while"
careful now, or you might have me dreaming for once about happily ever after
oh, you've gotten me dreaming for once about happily ever after

your eyes were the first thing I saw, following me across the room
and I don't think anything's ever shined so bright... (end)

*This is something that could have been corny but ended up being really great.  Of course, the traditional fairytale image is the guy (that is, Prince Charming) whipping out a glass slipper for Cinderella to try on, to see whether or not she fits, which would mean that she's The One.  But including him in this phrase (as in, having the word "us" rather than "me"), in this more modern image, makes it all just a little less idealised, and a little more inclusive and unified.

At least I think so.  I wonder what you might think.

Much love, and thank you for the musik,

Just Another Ordinary Girl

And I don't know how it gets better than this / you take my hand and drag me headfirst, fearless.  And I don't know why, but with you, I'd dance in a storm in my best dress, fearless.

Left Behind

And so, now we have this song.

But first, something I haven't done in a while: mention new music which has caught my ears and captured my heart.  (Okay, so that was lame and cheesy.  Getting away from the point.)  First, I would like to mention Tegan and Sara.  AMAZING.  They're an indie-rock duo from Canada (identical twin sisters, too), and their music (particularly the most recent album, Heartthrob) is just brilliant.  I got the CD barely two weeks ago, and it has gotten to the point with me that I can't remember what my life was like before I heard their songs.  Of course, "Closer" is the pair's biggest hit, but I don't think it's the best song.  My favourites are "Now I'm All Messed Up" and "How Come You Don't Want Me," although honourable mentions go to "I Was a Fool," "Drove Me Wild," and "I'm Not Your Hero."  Or you could just listen to the album and see (as it were) for yourself.

The other bit of new music is just a single song, "I Hope That I Don't Fall in Love With You."  It's Tom Waits, I think, originally, but I'm particularly fond of the Marc Cohn cover which was in a film I watched recently.  The music is wonderful, but the lyrics just get me.  They radiate such delicate, extraordinary beauty-laced-with-pain.  I hope that I don't fall in love with you / 'cause falling in love just makes me blue / the music plays, and you display your heart for me to see...  Oh, it's just beautiful.  I could go on, but I promise I won't.  Just check it out, please.

And now here I go with my own song.  As promised.

Now, I really ought to try and explain its origins, and its conception, and perhaps even its meaning, but at the same time I feel as though it sort of defies explanation.  What more is there to say about it that isn't in the song already?  Plenty, probably, just none of it seems to want to come out right now.  You'll see pretty quickly (right from the "chorus," which begins the song, or at least from the last line of the first verse) that it has something to do with a soldier.  But, it's not in the way that you might think.

Because I get it - I write country music (or what I think is country music), and country music is ostensibly America's genre, right?  So it depends heavily on military stories for song inspiration, and on patriotic themes, and if even as a joke between songs in a set you say, for example, that you are ashamed that the President is from Texas, you get black-listed (I am a fan of the Dixie Chicks, by the way).  Right?  But you see, I am a pacifist, and have always been a little too selfish to be able to identify with a military story enough to want to write a song about it.  Up until the moment I found myself far too close to one to keep myself away from writing this song, that is.  (And a few others.)  Although there are so many reasons why the inspiration for the song will never actually read it (but don't worry, his not coming home is not one of them, mostly because he did, in fact, come home), but that doesn't mean I didn't borrow things he has said, and insert them into it.  He'd know, for instance, if he were to stumble upon it somehow, that he's the man in the song.  But it's not a military song in the way that country usually does it (which is in a very patriotic, sympathetic way).  And that's addressed right off the bat, I think.  When I made the decision to have the "chorus" begin the song, I did so because I knew I wouldn't have to go into a long, drawn-out explanation as to the song's subject in the first verse, because it would introduce it from the beginning instead, in a more subtle, nuanced way, which thrilled me.  And then as the song develops throughout the verses, more and more of the backstory comes out - and it's really just the story of a girl lying awake and missing someone, as one would miss a recent ex, only that it is in the context of them not only having broken up but him having gone off to war, so she's both heartbroken and worried for him, both sad/lonely and trying to get over him at the same time.  This is such an emotional song, to the point where writing it was exhausting and had to be done in small doses (over a long period of time - I came up with the concept in January or so, and finished it for good only in April), but it's not too in-your-face about it.  There's a stoicism behind her emotion, as well as a yearning behind her rationalism.  And part of it is that it's written to suggest it's a letter, so there's the connotation of that distance, but also a sort of omnipresent intimacy (in that you know she's talking to him but also she knows she won't be sending it so that allows it to be just a bit more honest than if she were actually going to send it).  If any of this makes any sense.

Sorry for the long paragraph.

I've just realised how much I like to analyse my own songs.  Oh, well.  Here's one more thing to look out for: see if you can catch the subtle - or perhaps, not-so-subtle - words and phrases that have double meanings, both civilian and military (hint: "conquer"; "occupied"; "martyr"; and even "fight" in the second verse can be seen as the war, which was the original context, or the "fight we had before you went overseas" mentioned in the first verse, which occurred to me after I had written the song and the realisation nearly knocked my off my seat).  Just some fun stuff.

And I think by now you may have had enough of an exposition to the song.  So, finally, here's:

Left Behind

this is a letter I won't ever send
it's not so much a "Dear John," as an "I wish you were here tonight"
and so much for thinking that writing it would help,
'cause now I'm not only missing you, but I'm feeling left behind

these words that I'm writing I wouldn't ever dare say, but I know you can't hear me tonight
maybe I should start with something like "how are you," maybe I should say I'm alright
but I remember well the fight we had before you went overseas
so I don't want to waste your time, if you've been getting over me
and I'm guessing you've forgotten what such pleasantries are for
since there it's "take a life to save a life, " but I know nothing of war
all I know is loneliness has settled in, and I can't fall asleep
because I gave my heart to a milit'ry man to keep

this is a letter I won't ever send
it's not so much a "Dear John," as an "I wish you were here tonight"
and so much for thinking that writing it would help,
'cause now I'm not only missing you, but I'm feeling left behind

I wonder just how much this fight will change you, and if you will ever be the same
these months without you might just make me understand exactly why you had to go away
but now I can't even call your phone, whenever I would like
and I'm not convinced that I would answer, if you were to call mine
because sometimes love doesn't conquer all, whatever I believed
but this distance and our silence say more than could any words like these
I've heard "absence makes the heart grow fonder," but mine's only more confused
about our once-sweet meant-to-be we made a mess of, and misused

this is a letter I won't ever send
it's not so much a "Dear John," as an "I wish you were here tonight"
and so much for thinking that writing it would help,
'cause now I'm not only missing you, but I'm feeling left behind

lately my days feel more like a string of bad daydreams, but it's better than facing the truth
'cause it scares me that if we die you're the one who wins, and if you come back, I lose
you've always found this life exciting, but I feel like a martyr
with you travelling and moving on, this isn't our adventure
I've signed every letter "love, my name," since I first held a pen
but here that wouldn't be right, because we broke up before you went
maybe in my heart I always knew I couldn't keep you occupied
not when you spent your time being too much army, not enough mine

And there's no "chorus" to end the song, because I think that last line is just powerful enough to drive the point home without having to fall back into the "chorus" one last time.  It is, so to speak, killer.

Anyway, there it is.  Thanks, as always, for reading.

Next two songs coming up: "Charming" and "Loved You Best."  In that order.

Much love, and thank you for the musik,

Just Another Ordinary Girl

So what happened to bulletproof weeks in your arms?...What happened to thinking the world was flat? / What happened, yeah, what happened to that?

Maybe we got lost in translation, maybe I asked for too much / but maybe this thing was a masterpiece, 'til you tore it all up...

Weren't We

As promised.

I hope you all had a lovely weekend - the last full one of August.  Crazy.  My Sunday was spent at a pig roast with a bunch of chefs (please excuse the passive voice), and it was lovely.

Except that one of them looked exactly - and I mean EXACTLY - like somebody that I used to know, only with dark hair (actually making him even more my type than his blonder doppelgänger).  And I felt bad for becoming instantly withdrawn upon being introduced to him, because obviously he didn't know the history there, and he had no way of knowing that I'm not usually that way, or that just seeing him look so much like someone I used to fruitlessly love was breaking me apart all over again.

So while all that was happening, I just said, "Hi, nice to meet you," after which he walked off with his girlfriend, and I limped off after my sister, having slammed my foot into a sharp, painful something a little while before.  (It's still swollen.)

But aside from that, it was really a nice - not to mention delicious - way to spend the last Sunday in August.

And now let me move on, to discuss the song you are about to read (unless, of course, you've already closed the window in which this blog appeared on your Internet browser and haven't gotten this far).  It's called, as you have probably noticed, "Weren't We."

When I originally thought of the song (sometime in March), I meant the choruses (the various "weren't we..."s) to be a way to honour something that used to be.  Something that was really great and wonderful and flawless for a while.  I meant it purely as celebration.

But then I connected it to a first verse I had arbitrarily come up with a week earlier, that fully rhymed upon conception (which is rare), and it took on a whole new meaning.  The "weren't we..."s became a lament, in addition to a celebration, and it was so powerful I was nearly bowled over.  They became a bereavement, a plea, a yearning, but also a sort of reproach, and took on a life of their own that completely overshadowed what I had as the second verse.

So I wrote it (during a Wednesday evening class about the history of the American financial system, I might add), and set it aside, knowing that I wasn't completely satisfied with it.  And then, as I was waiting for the train home and kind of talking to myself, as I do, I pulled out the sheets of paper upon which I write songs (I have about seven, no joke, seven shoved loosely into my folder) and read it over again.  And then I was on the train, surrounded by people who couldn't care less about the internal adventure I was living, when it hit me.  A new "weren't we..." took over what I had already written ("young and joyous" was the original, but then I came down with "invincible / ...bulletproof and beautiful" in place of "weren't we beautiful..." etc) and I suddenly had to sit down - thankfully, at this point, we had hit a station where a lot of people get out - and restructure most of the song.

The train was bumpy, and some of my handwriting came out kind of loopy, but I was on fire.  There were two policemen, I think, standing right by where I was sitting, and I swear they were staring at me in disbelief, because of the way I was scribbling like a madwoman, with my purple pen (of course, I only saw their shoes, but the feeling stands).  But I knew that inspiration had struck my memories like a match, and ignited something amazing I just had to get out on paper, so I didn't care.  By the time I got home, I had one line left to write, and that came to me a little after midnight that same day.  Then, I was spent.  And it was done.

The subject is the same as in "From Across the Room," and "Left Behind," which will be the next post.  Promise.

Weren't We

have you ever noticed how it always rains on Tuesdays,
no matter where we happen to be?
I remember you once saying there's good luck in all the rain,
but now I think I disagree

CHORUS:
weren't we young and joyous?
weren't we young and joyous?
didn't we have the whole world before us?
weren't we invincible?
weren't we invincible?
weren't we bulletproof and beautiful?

it was like slow motion, watching all of that break down
and standing there covered in the dust
I could feel myself suddenly fading into the background
staring at those pieces of us

CHORUS:
weren't we invincible?
weren't we invincible?
weren't we bulletproof and beautiful?
weren't we triumphant?
weren't we triumphant?
didn't we have all that we could want?

BRIDGE:
a part of me will always hurt, a part of me will love,
and most of me will feel that I was never good enough

CHORUS:
weren't we triumphant?
weren't we triumphant?
didn't we have all that we could want?
weren't we young and joyous?
weren't we young and joyous?
didn't we have the whole world before us?

I remember you once saying that nothing can be planned,
and now I think I understand

CHORUS:
weren't we young and joyous?
weren't we young and joyous?
didn't we have the whole world before us?
weren't we invincible?
weren't we invincible?
weren't we bulletproof and beautiful?
weren't we triumphant?
weren't we triumphant?
didn't we have all that we could want?
weren't we young and joyous?
weren't we young and joyous?
didn't we have the whole world before us?
didn't we have the whole world before us?
didn't we have our whole lives before us?

I really like how the phrases rotate from one chorus to another, revealing another different emotional side to the piece.  And I know that's a lot of question marks, but I hope that you'll agree that they were all necessary.  So there it is, and please do let me know what you think.

Much love, and thank you for the musik,

Just Another Ordinary Girl

All that I know is I don't know how to be something you'd miss / never thought we'd have a last kiss / never imagined we'd end like this / your name, forever the name on my lips...

p.s.  Major disclosure:  I like the phrase "pieces of us," from the last line of the second verse, so much, that if I had a record deal that's what I would name my album.  It's a perfect name for a collection of these songs.

Next up, "Left Behind," as I said.

How It Feels

Okay, I know I said I would be back with this post during the weekend (not this past weekend, of course, but the previous one), but please excuse my delay.  Sometimes I give myself a deadline for something, and then willfully surpass it.  It's a horrible habit, I know.  But there it is.

And here is this.  As I mentioned before, this is another song that is not my favourite that I've ever written.  I came up with it last winter, finishing it around 6 December, but something about it has always continued to feel unfinished for me.  I think it's the chorus.

But I'll get to that in a little bit.  First, as usual, I'd like to explain the song itself.  It's not, as I've said, my favourite.  There are parts that kind of make me cringe (as the writer, of course - they probably won't have the same effect on you as the reader, I hope), but at the same time, it also features one of my favourite lines that I've ever written.  So there's that.

I'm posting it now, because it is the first song (chronologically and emotionally), the first piece in which I address the story which prompted tens of other songs (I'm not even exaggerating with that number; I have about thirteen songs lined up to post here that deal with the same exact thing, all in different ways), and as it is not the best one of that group I'd like to get it over with as soon and as quickly as possible.

Not that it's a bad song, of course.  Let me be clear with that.  It's just that there are so many better ones coming up that the difference is very perceptible.

There's a song I will be putting up on here in a few posts that I named, "And Her Name Is Lonely," and I liken this one to a poor man's "And Her Name Is Lonely."  There was a lot of loneliness preempting both songs (as you shall see shortly).  I was extremely lonely last fall, and all during the winter, and very miserable, so my songs verily reflected that.

Excuse me, I've been reading Jane Austen.

So yes, it reflects that greatly.  And that pertains to the favourite line I mentioned above.  I've always loved that line I wrote in "Holding Out For You," in the beginning of the second verse: "but no one ever had a cookie cutter for the rest of your life."  I liked that so much I changed my Twitter handle (is that what usernames are called on there?) to accommodate it.  But the one from this song, the last line of the chorus, definitely rivals that: "but I go off in my car, just to park somewhere and cry."

'Cause that's so where I was last fall.  And I'm good at it, by now.  (Also at driving through tears.  Oh, and with bare feet.  Which apparently is frowned upon?)

So that was the first line, and once I came up with that I had to try and figure out a way to write a song around it.  In the song's early iterations, it was actually known as, "How It Feels (A Stone, Personified)," but then that kind of started to feel pretentious.  I don't think people really expect the word, "personified," to come into their songs.

Anyway, I like that it's more of an abstract thing, in the verses, and then it progresses and comes to an explication, really, of what preceded it, by the time it comes to the chorus.  But all the same, as I've mentioned before, it's almost felt unfinished to me, as though there were something missing in the chorus (and don't even get me started on the bridge, which is kind of lacking in subtlety and originality, I feel).  But there's a pervasive sense of pain and sadness that there's no mistaking.

The verses are definitely my favourite part, aside from the last line of the chorus.  There's just so much there, that exhibits feeling yet transcends the moment.  But I don't know, maybe it's just me.  I went through a lot of edits of the chorus, but sometimes you have to stick with what you already have, even if it's not entirely satisfying, because it might be as good as it'll get.

So here it is.  I'll stop now.

How It Feels

loneliness comes creeping in when you're giving up a fight
the sunrise comes awful early when you've stayed up all night
lately staring out the window takes up so much of my time
and it gets easier to lie each time I tell myself I'm fine

CHORUS:
so this is how it feels, without you in my life
caution and slow motion, second-guessing all the time
I wish I could be cold: a stone, personified,
but I go off in my car, just to park somewhere and cry

the cold and dark come soon after blowing out a flame
and who you were the day before won't ever be the same
now I'm getting used to falling, after we flew too high
because sometimes you walk away, without saying goodbye*

CHORUS:
so this how it feels, without you in my life
caution and slow motion, second-guessing all the time
I wish I could be cold: a stone, personified,
but I go off in my car, just to park somewhere and cry

BRIDGE:
sometimes I wonder if you feel it, too
how cold the world has gotten,
still I can't forget a single thing about you,
even though I'm probably forgotten

CHORUS 2:
I guess this is how it feels, without you in my life
caution and slow motion, second-guessing all the time
I wish I were indifferent: a stone, personified,
then I wouldn't even care that you cheated and lied,
and I could be cold and unbroken, not just pushed aside
instead I go off in my car, just to park somewhere and cry

now I'm here in my car, 'cause I've parked somewhere to cry...

*Anyone catch the brief Crazy Heart tribute in the previous line?  It's meant to be subtle, but noticeable if you've fallen in love with the soundtrack, as I have.  Additionally, in the actual line with the asterisk, I had an issue figuring out if the line should be "without saying goodbye," or "instead of saying goodbye."  Thoughts?  I finally settled on the first, after many scribbles in my notebook, vacillating between one and the other.  I guess I thought it was sadder, but so is the latter one.  Let me know what you think!

Next song I'll post: "Weren't We."  I adore this one.  (From here on out, that's basically how I feel about all of the songs.)  It has a good story behind it, too.

Much love, and thank you for the musik,

Just Another Ordinary Girl

Baby, I was naive, got lost in your eyes, never even had a chance.

Rooftops

This should be a very quick post - but I did want to put up a new one, since I haven't in a while -  because (a) I'm about to catch a flight, and (b) I want to breeze through this song and the next one I will post.  And apparently, brevity will quickly have the song become a distant memory.  (And if you could see how quickly my fingers are flying across this keyboard, you would have no need to doubt my dedication to being quick about this.)  I don't really like this one so much, but I did (somewhat) at the time I was writing it, so there it is.

I think I kind of like the concept, far more than I do the execution of it.  You know what I mean?

This song was inspired (however tangentially) by my second favourite film of all time.  And when I first came up with the idea, I had originally intended to stay a bit more closely to the concept of the film, especially one of the earlier scenes.  Somewhere in the various guises this song has taken since that time, it has taken on a new meaning, a new significance that is more personal than it is voyeuristic. 

In the end, it turned out to be a more difficult song to write, actually.  I had the hardest time figuring out where I wanted to go with it, what I wanted to say, after coming up with the idea.  I had the last two lines of each verse (the same lines) written in mid-January, but something about that just made it impossible to continue - maybe it's because "below" is a surprisingly difficult word with which to rhyme things, or maybe because I was hesitant to write about a romance because I felt like I couldn't come up with new ways to talk about love.  It was all "moon and June," so to speak, and fanciful, and I didn't want it to come across that way.  I wanted a serious, yet ephemeral, kind of tone to the lyrics.  That's why it took me so long to get some words down - and when I did, I'd cross them all out again, because it was infantile.  And if there was one thing I didn't want, it was for "Rooftops" to be infantile.

And so I strayed away from what I had originally wanted, and became disheartened with the whole song endeavour, putting it away in favour of other lyrics (forthcoming, I promise you).   And the further I got from it, the less feeling I had about the song, and about the circumstance that inspired it.  I was only brought back to brainstorming with a furious purpose for this song when I concentrated on listening to the soundtrack of the aforementioned film.  And specifically, one song called "This Time."  And suddenly, I knew the words I wanted, and they came.

I'm still not emotionally invested, or crazy, about the song.  There's a detachment there for me, but maybe you don't feel it.  I'd like that.

And I like the idea of throwing one's problems over the side of a building and just having an evening of being careless and carefree and weightless.  It's falling in love for the night, and for the memory.  There's a balance, I think, between ethereality and concreteness that floats through the song, enough to make it substantial without making it too consequential.  There's also some sort of collusion of the natural world with the human world, in the song, to make the subjects seem so important, and yet so small at the same time.  I don't know, I'm probably analysing it too much.

At any rate, it does repeat the word "here" enough.

Rooftops

the way the wind blows through here makes it sound like a symphony

won't you come to me, won't you come to me?

high above the ordinary streets, the sky is so close

and we can be weightless the whole night through

there's a guitar man playing in the park below

but I'd rather be, I'd rather be on this rooftop with you

CHORUS:

let's take all our worries and drop them over the side

we'll watch them fall, and then we can leave them behind

away from the people, near enough to the stars

let's stay on this rooftop, up here in the dark

you look so good here, above the shining lights of the city

won't you sing to me, won't you sing to me?

if tonight is all you and I have, let's make this time glow

take me for a ride on the wings of a tune

there's a guitar man playing in the park below

but I'd rather be, I'd rather be on this rooftop with you

CHORUS:

let's take all our worries and drop them over the side

we'll watch them fall, and then we can leave them behind

away from the people, near enough to the stars

let's stay on this rooftop, up here in the dark

BRIDGE:

everything is simpler, here

love is love and your eyes are clear

I wish we could stay forever, away from reality

won't you think of me, won't you think of me?

this is the night we'll remember when the world's beneath snow

the night only we had the greatest view

there's a guitar man playing in the park below

but I'd rather be, I'd rather be on this rooftop with you

CHORUS:

let's take all our worries and drop them over the side

we'll watch them fall, and then we can leave them behind

away from the people, near enough to the stars

let's stay on this rooftop, up here in the dark

CHORUS 2:

let's take all our troubles and throw them over the side

we'll watch them fall, and then we can leave them behind

far from the people, halfway to the stars

let's stay on this rooftop, and give in to our hearts... (end)

Ugh.  My poor computer.

I know the rhyme scheme of the verses (AABCBC) is a bit of a strange one, but I think it works.  Let me know what you think!

And Yalina, I love that you're commenting (please don't delete what you write!)!  Thank you for your kind words of encouragement, and I'm glad that you're finding something worthwhile as you visit my little blog.  I agree about "Nobody Does it Better" - that was always my favourite Bond song, before I heard "All Time High," I have to admit.  And "Skyfall" has suddenly become an instant classic, too.  Again, thank you for taking the time to reply to my (somewhat rambling, at times) posts.

Off to fly across the country.  I may post another one ("How It Feels") later tonight, depending on what time my jet lag subsides.  If not, then definitely at some point during the weekend.

Much love, and thank you for the musik,

Just Another Ordinary Girl

I've been sitting, watching life pass from the sidelines.

From Across the Room

Over the past few days, I can honestly say that I have truly learned the meaning of "surreal."  And not in a good way.  In a few of the most awful, awful ways possible - and I think I'm still reeling from shock and disbelief.  But nevertheless, one must carry on.

And so we do.

This is almost a song written from stray lines that I've collected for a time and inspiration that would find them somehow fitting with something, woven together with rhymes and commonality.  The first line, I think, I had had written down for a month and a half, as with the first few lines of the chorus, before it even occurred to me to put them together (during class, of course).  I know what the song is about, though.  It's a story about which I've written a lot - and this may be the first of the songs about that story which I am posting on here.  But, really, the story's all there, in the song.  I don't have to  - and I would prefer not to - go too deep into it to explain it beforehand.

But, just a pithy explanation: on the surface, it's about everything being great in a relationship until something happens (for an "arbitrary" example, he cheats in a big way), and then what follows between the two - the fight they have, the things said - serves to destroy even the remembrances of things being great, which makes the whole enterprise seem almost a waste, something to regret.  And something that was golden for a while, or seemed to be, is, in the end, reduced to fodder for bitterness.

From Across the Room

I think that maybe we were perfect for a tiny little while

but now I can't remember when that might have been

we had a way of pretending that everything was fine

up until the night the walls started caving in,

the night I learned what the end is all about:

that's when the ugly truth comes out

CHORUS:

you were like a painting that looks so good from across the room

but up close and over time, is not beautiful at all

soon enough, the colours change and the cracks begin to show

and although I tried to be the one, to catch you when you fall,

I wish that I had stayed looking at you,

from across the room

you once promised a girl that you would always love her

then you turned around and proved those empty words

nothing was so wrong you couldn't break it even further

nothing was so broken you couldn't make it even worse

then the words you said instead of goodbye

just ruin the good mem'ries I can find

CHORUS:

you were like a painting that looks so good from across the room

but up close and over time, is not beautiful at all

soon enough, the colours change, and the cracks begin to show

and although I tried to be the one, to catch you when you fall,

I wish that I had stayed looking at you,

from across the room

BRIDGE:

if you hadn't moved more than one step in my direction,

I might still be wishing I were in that gallery with you

but now I'm glad not to be in anyone's collection

because I've learned that I'm not shatterproof

you were like a painting that looks so good from across the room

but up close and over time, you were not beautiful at all

soon enough, your colours changed and the cracks began to show

and even though I wanted to be the one to hold you after all

CHORUS:

you were like a painting that looks so good from across the room

but up close and over time, is not beautiful at all

soon enough, the colours change and the cracks begin to show

and although I tried to be the one to catch you when you fall

I wish that I had stayed looking at you,

from across the room

I wish that I had stayed looking at you,

from across the room

I think that maybe we were perfect for a tiny little while,

but now I can't remember when that could have been...

Just now, as I was typing it, I got a distinctly Dorian Gray vibe from it, which I don't really think I had before.  But I still like it.  I finished it around 28 February, so that's a positive sign, that I still like it.  Usually I go back and crinkle my nose at some of the bizarre crap stuff I've written (mostly when I go back and re-read early early posts from this blog - which, I confess, is not something I do all that often).  And it doesn't have to be lyrical; some of the prose I've written over the years has been equally cringe-worthy.  But we grow, right?

The bridge took me the longest to come up with (I think I had about seven different drafts before I picked one to refine).  I like how it continues the theme of the painting/gallery, especially in that part of the song.  Unless you think it's too much?  And part of the chorus is an homage to my favourite musical, Chess.  Oh, and I recently (as in, today) learned that the lyricist of the show actually also wrote my favourite Bond song!  So I picked it well.

Much love,

Just Another Ordinary Girl

And I know, I know, sticklers out there might be maligning the fact that I altered my usual signature ("much love, and thank you for the musik") - actually, I don't think people read this blog to actually notice stuff like that, but anyway - and might be wondering why.  It's because I wanted to thank someone specific for the musik this time around.  I came thisclose to fainting when I heard the news, at about half-past midnight central time, that Cory Monteith had died.  (I went on Twitter one last time before going to bed, to check whether Baby Cambridge had been born yet, and got an entirely different news flash.  After which I could not fall asleep.)  And I've spent much time since then bawling my eyes out.  I'm not entirely sure why, but it's completely surreal (see above) and I will never forget the almost-passing-out feeling that accompanied my knowledge of the loss (and, yes, I am writing a song about this).  So tonight, I want to thank him for the musik, for playing Finn Hudson - the only character I consistently liked, even during the godawful season 4 - on Glee.  Cory, thank you for the musik, the joy, the beauty you brought to life just with your presence.  You are so missed.

The sun will still shine tomorrow, so it's time for movin' on / there's not a second for sorrow, even though the moment's gone...

I will not be entertaining any comments on the irrationality of my grief, or on the hypocrisy of admiring a man who ended up dying of a heroin/alcohol overdose.  Something about the whole thing still keeps making my head spin.